Lessons From My Grandpa - Breaking the Cycle

Grandpa is ninety years old now. His dementia has reached the point where he acts more like a two year old than the grandpa I know and love. Even though he has changed, I cherish the lessons I received from him. Some were lessons he taught me and others were those I learned from observing him. I realized the choices he made during his life changed the way my life might have been.

You see my grandfather was abandoned at eighteen months old. From what we can piece together, his mother left to go to work for some period of time and left my grandpa and his twin sister with their dad. We think their dad may have been called to work, but whatever the circumstances, the children were left alone in the apartment. Evidently several days went by and they were crying so loudly the neighbors called the authorities. Grandpa and his sister lived briefly with their grandparents and then were left at a local orphanage.

The years that followed were filled with foster homes, attempted but failed adoptions and the deaths of the couple who came closest to parenting them. Although all of the foster parents were loving and caring, the odds should have been against Grandpa. Statistically, he should have repeated the patterns of his birth parents. The odds of him marrying for life and being a present father were probably very low.

Yet Grandpa was able to break the cycle of broken relationships and abandoned children. (After Grandpa retired, he discovered several other half siblings who had also all been abandoned.) Although we never really discussed it, I started thinking about how he was able to break the cycle. It is a very difficult thing to do, but somehow he managed to stay happily married to my grandmother for seventy years and parented three daughters. He was even an involved grandfather and great-grandfather.

I am not sure how thoroughly he analyzed his past, but I do know Grandpa was painfully aware of the mistakes his parents had made. He knew the pain they caused and did not want that for his family. Often the first step in breaking a negative family cycle is admitting it is there and becoming determined to try and do something different in a purposeful way. Even if you had wonderful parents, there is probably something you can improve upon. I have found if I am not making an effort to improve, I tend to get lazy and eventually get worse in that area of my life.

Talk to successful parents, read Christian parenting books, take parenting classes. You may want to talk with your spouse about the things each of you thought your parents did well and what you wish they had done differently. Work with your spouse on a parenting plan for your own children. Parenting is much easier when both parents are parenting from the same play book. Having a parenting plan you and your spouse have agreed upon also helps cut down on parenting arguments. You are now parenting from the same place and will only have occasional discussions about where to tweak your plan.

Grandpa surrounded himself with loving people. When the couple who had tried to adopt him died, he went back to his former foster parents. When he aged out of the system, he found a kind older woman who tried to mentor him. He chose to marry my grandmother who was probably one of the most nurturing people I have ever known. He was always involved with his neighbors and the people in his church.

When you are surrounded by love, it is easier to start to heal your emotional wounds. It also means you are surrounded by good examples to follow. Loving people also tend to be very supportive of your efforts to change and improve. It is important to realize there is a difference between truly loving, supportive people (like a church family) and "party" friends. Loving people are there to back you up in good times and bad. "Party" friends are usually only there when the times are fun or when they can get something from you. They have no interest in helping you become a better Christian or working through your problems. If you want to change the negative patterns from your past or just improve your parenting skills, you need to find the loving godly people who will help you get there.

Probably the most important thing Grandpa did for our family was that he became a strong Christian. He now had a group of loving supportive people he was with several times a week. He had the Bible, the best guidebook ever written about how to have healthy relationships and be a good spouse and parent. My earliest memories of my grandpa are of him reading his Bible first thing in the morning. By this time, he was an elder in the church and would often serve us a devotional with our breakfast. Grandpa loved the Bible so much that one of the very last things he lost in his dementia was the ability to find and read scriptures and hymns.

Use the Bible as your guide. Study the stories of successful parents who raised godly children and the failures of those who didn't.  What did the parents who raised godly children do differently? What scriptures can you find about how to treat people? Are you following those commands in your family life? Prayer and faithful church attendance will also support your efforts to parent well.

Since I am a grandchild, I really don't how Grandpa parented. As a grandpa though, he made special efforts to develop relationships with us. We lived out of state and only saw him a few times a year, but I still remember the letters Grandpa sent me. He would blow up a balloon, write a letter and then deflate it and mail it to me. Or his letter would be all sorts of pictograms we had to decipher. I knew he was putting time and effort into having a relationship with me.

Often people use default parenting. There is nothing intentional about it. They make decisions about how to parent as situations arise. They spend time bonding with their children only if there is nothing else on the schedule. Grandpa may have operated that way earlier, but by the time we came along, he was definitely making an intentional effort to bond with us. Are you parenting with a plan or just flying by the seat of your pants? Are you intentional about bonding with your children or do you just assume they know you love them?

One of my favorite things about his letters was the way he signed them. He always put the scripture Numbers 6:24-26. After I few letters, I finally pulled out my Bible to see exactly which verses these were. They were a blessing. Grandpa was doing the best thing for us he knew how to do. He was asking God to bless us and letting us know that he was asking God to bless us.

Have you ever wondered why the father blessing the son was such a big deal in the Old Testament? Sure there were material things and future prophecies tied up in many of them. I really think though that part of the value was totally emotional. The children knew how their father felt about them as he was blessing them. They knew their value to him and to the family. Grandpa blessing us in every letter was also his way of showing us we were loved and valued by him.

In today's busy world, it seems we have less time to just be with each other. In "olden" days, families played together in their home. There was time to snuggle together and read books. There were plenty of hugs and kisses and long heartfelt talks. Often today, our families don't even eat one meal together as a family. Examine your family schedule and carve out the time to bless your children with your love, acceptance and time. Remember, for most children time and attention mean love just as much as hugs and kisses and even more than presents.

You may have been discouraged as you have read previous entries in this blog. Perhaps you believed that with your background, there is no way you could truly dedicate your children to God. You are just hoping to provide something better than what you experienced. Maybe your parents were wonderful and you have stopped parenting intentionally because you assume you are doing everything they did and the results will be the same.

I want to encourage you to try to learn the same lessons I did from my grandpa. Become an intentional parent with a plan to help your children grow up to become strong Christians doing the Lord's work. Try some of the things mentioned in this article. My grandpa is proof that you can break any negative cycles or add to positive ones. It may just change the future for your children and grandchildren.

Thanks to my grandpa's efforts and with God's help, I was raised in a loving Christian home. I never had to experience the complete abandonment my grandpa did as a child. I was exposed to God from the beginning of my life and have been so blessed because of that. I pray that you are able to give the same gifts to your children and grandchildren.

Christians Can Have Fun Too

I blame the Puritans. Early Christians like the Apostles were known for their joy. Think about it. Paul and Silas singing praise hymns in jail. Stephen serene in the face of death. If they were that joyous in bad experiences, I have to imagine they were bursting at the seams with joy under normal circumstances.

Then came the Puritans. Technically, it probably started earlier, but they made it famous. Laughing was not for Christians and forget about having fun and wearing bright colors. Having taken an early American literature course in college, I can tell you their sermons were not exactly joyous either.

A few hundred years later, the "hippies" of the 1960's added fuel to the fire.  Obeying rules was very uncool. Anyone who made rules was just trying to spoil your fun. In fact, rule makers didn't know how to enjoy life, so they invented rules to spoil everyone else's fun.

Movies and television shows portray Christians as uptight people who need to loosen up and "drop" their Christian ways so they can live life and enjoy it. For some reason, that means either doing something that isn't wrong and is a Hollywood perception of a Puritanical Christian or encouraging the character to actually sin.

Throw in a few media circus events with "Christians" spewing hate and the transformation was complete. Christianity is no longer known for its joyous followers. Christians are a group of sour, bitter, hate-filled people who don't know how to have fun. Christians also create lots of unnecessary rules to try and keep everyone else from being happy.

Wow! Nothing could be farther from the truth. Yet sadly, even Christians have believed the lie. They vote on which of God's laws are acceptable in today's society. God's rules are only obeyed if they feel good, because God ultimately just wants us to be happy. It is as if God merely gave suggestions and not commands.

I believe one of the reasons we lose some of our teens and young adults to the world is because we have forgotten to teach them about the joys of Christianity. Not a temporary worldly "high", but a clear to the depths of your soul, contented joy.

How can our children learn which activities may bring a temporary, shallow "high" of happiness and which activities will bring them a fulfilled joy? How can they make that discernment before actually making poor choices? How can we show them the ultimate joy of being a follower of God?

Pull out your Bible. Think about the rules God gives us for Christian living. What are the principles behind them? What earthly consequences do we avoid by obeying Him? What do we gain by obeying Him? God knows what is best for us. Obeying God's rules doesn't really constrain us. That is a lie Satan has perpetuated since the Garden of Eden. God's rules really help us lead a happier, healthier life with a lot less complications and negative consequences. Share what you learn with your children. Teach them the joy in obedience to God.

I realize that some people have personalities that are just naturally more happy than others. My mother always says that some people just look like they smell something bad all of the time. If you are one of those people, starting praying for God to help you see the positive blessings He has given you and your family. Try and make a conscious effort to keep a pleasant look on your face. I am not saying you have to look like the Cheshire Cat, but at least try not to scowl. If your child has started similar habits, try to work with him. (Please don't say "Smile" to anyone. Ever. It usually has the opposite effect on people.)

It is very easy in our culture today to develop a critical, negative spirit. I have noticed that after a critical spell, everything looks more glum. It's hard to be joyous when you are in that frame of mind. Try spending some gratitude time as a family every day. Make it part of your prayers to thank God before asking Him for things. Take turns at the table listing all of the blessings of the day. Keep a family gratitude journal and pull it out on bad days to remind your family how much God really has blessed you.

Help your child understand the difference between happiness and contented joy. Happiness is an emotion based on circumstances. Joy is almost a state of being. It is a contentment in being a child of God, that Paul teaches us is possible to attain no matter what your circumstances are. It is understanding where the true Power is and the concept of an eternity spent with God.

Re-examine your rules. Which ones are godly and which are for health and safety? Which rules are just your personal preference? I have seen some Christian parents drive a wedge between them and their children over a mustache or an extra inch of hair. I am not saying to throw out your rules, but give your child room to express her individuality in ways that don't violate God's rules or endanger herself. Part of the joy of childhood is discovering the things you love and that God has gifted you for. Freedom to try different things is part of the process.

Make time to have fun as a family. Sometimes we get so caught up in our schedules we are a blur of stress with no fun in sight. Our family has recently gone through a very stressful time. It seemed like everything was going wrong. We decided to take a joy break every day. We popped our favorite up-beat gospel music cd in the car. We found a television show that was clean and funny and watched an episode when we needed a laugh or two. We even tried to find humor in the situation. Things were still going badly some days, but it helped put us in a frame of mind that let us remember God was with us.

Don't be afraid to be silly. A pillow fight or running through the sprinkler with your children can put everyone in a better frame of mind. We can get so caught up in homework, chores and extracurricular activities that we forget to just play with our kids. Some of the fondest memories children will have are the times their parents played board games with them or waded in the gutter after a hail storm. Being a parent is fine, but sometimes it is just as important to let your hair down and do something silly with your children.

Teach your child God's promises. The Bible is full of wonderful promises from God. We know He is always with us. We know He listens to our prayers even when we don't know what to pray. Help your child commit some of these promises to memory. In rough times, it helps to have those verses on your heart.

Serve others with your family.Whenever I am blue, serving someone always seems to restore my godly joy. Your family can show others God's love for them by serving them. You can even share your faith with the people you serve. I think you will find your own joy in being a Christian as you serve others and share the Gospel with them. Your children will even learn to look beyond themselves and their own problems and begin to find the joy in putting others needs before their own.

I hope you and your family make an effort to re-discover the joy of being a Christian. Then go into the world and show them that Christians really can have fun and they don't have to sin to do it!

Discipline Secrets From a Christian Teacher

I hope I don't get kicked out of the teaching profession for spilling all of our secrets. I'll be honest, quite a few professional educators I know get a kick out of disciplining misbehaving children in public without their parent's knowledge. How is that possible? We have mastered the "look", a powerful tool that conveys the messages "Have you lost your mind?" and "I know you aren't doing what I think you are doing." all rolled into one. It is amazing how many out of control children immediately cave in and behave when given the "look" (even by a complete stranger).

Good teacher training programs aren't just about how to convey knowledge to your students. They also teach you classroom management techniques. A friend and I were talking recently. We had been education majors together in college years ago. We decided that majoring in education had made us better parents. We laughed about how the classroom management techniques we had learned worked just as well at home with our own children.

I may be risking "the look" from other teachers by telling you some of our secrets. My guess is though,  they will be thrilled to have children in their class who have been taught to behave before they get there. I secretly don't believe wild children just calm down about school age. I think it is because for many of them, their teacher is actually the first person who has taught them how to behave properly.

Some of our tricks are "do's" and some are "dont's".  They are in no particular order and every teacher would probably give you a slightly different list. I would imagine most good teachers would have a very similar  bag of tricks. Feel free to use these yourself and share them with your friends.

1. Make the list of rules simple and clear. If you have ever had to learn a complex skill as an adult, you understand how frustrating it can be to get what seems like a hundred instructions at once, followed by "now relax."  I like to think of it as having a list of all of the behaviors you want them to master before you launch them as adults. You don't try to teach your baby all of them in the first week of her life. Focus on one or two areas, or one item in each area at a time. If you are constantly correcting 5000 things at a time, you become a very critical, harsh parent.

2. Some rules are non-negotiable principles from the start. "God comes first." "We always treat each other with respect and love." "We never lie." "We are good stewards with things that are around us." are some good general principles. You will find lots of skills may fall within their boundaries. If your child has some basic general guidelines, you may not have to spend the time teaching each type of specific way of lying that is wrong. When faced with a new temptation to lie, your child will remember the basic principle and correct her own behavior before making a mistake.

3. Rules should be age appropriate. You can't expect a three month old to have perfect table manners. A teenager, though should be able to have tea with the Queen without embarrassing herself.  I have found most people have exceedingly low expectations for what children are capable of achieving. "Experts" can have some of the lowest expectations. Each child is different, but most children will rise to the level of expectation much better than you would think. "Tiger moms" know this and take advantage of it. I wouldn't advise going to that extreme, but don't be afraid to expect better behavior from your child than the average parent around you does. (For a wake up call, read some books about "average" children and their behavior in early America.)

4. Expect immediate obedience. Really good teachers do not have a "counting" system before they expect children to obey the rules. Counting to "three" before a child is expected to behave is teaching the child that obedience is optional. They learn quickly that the numbers last longer if the parent is in a better mood or doesn't really want to enforce the rule. As one of my daughter's teachers used to say, "Counting only teaches your child fractions, not how to behave."

5. Be consistent in enforcing the rules. I will admit, this rule will exhaust you as a parent. It is worth the extra effort though, as the results are phenomenal if you can be consistent in your expectations for your child's behavior. Assuming you are setting appropriate expectations for a well behaved child, consistency in enforcing those rules will almost guarantee you excellent results. Translation: You will flat wear yourself and your child out before the age of four. If done properly though, very little discipline other than gentle correction is needed after that.

6. Respect for parents and other adults in authority is non-negotiable. Nothing is more annoying than a child who is rude and disrespectful. This skill is perhaps one of the most important skills you will ever teach your child. If she does not learn to respect authority, I can almost guarantee you she will not become a faithful Christian. God demands our respect (and worship) and obedience to His commands. A child who is disrespectful is also usually disobedient. The two seem to go together as a matched set of skills. Respect does not have to authoritarian. An understanding that you will discipline with love usually creates a healthy respect in a child for a parent.

7. If you give a command, use short declarative or exclamatory statements in the lower range of your normal voice. For some reason, many adults turn their commands to children into questions in a higher pitched voice. There is a reason military officers "bark" their commands. People respond more quickly to command statements in a lower tone of voice. While I am not suggesting you treat your children like military recruits, you can learn something from their sergeants. Please note that you do not have to use a harsh tone of voice. A loving, firm tone will work well.

8. It is okay to use the word "please" before a command, especially with older children. They need to understand though that the word "please" has not turned the command into an optional request.

9. Don't assume. Many innocent children are punished for crimes they didn't commit. Usually a manipulative or lying nearby child has learned how to work the system and can make your child look guilty even when innocent. It will help your relationship with your child more than you will ever know if you take a few extra minutes and listen to their arguments before punishing. Make it known though if you find out later that they were lying, the consequences will be severe and immediate. Lame excuses should not be allowed, only genuine explanations of why they are being railroaded are accepted. Feeling as if they get a fair hearing will keep your relationship healthy.

10. Consequences should fit the crime. I have to admit, one of my parenting pet peeves is to watch a parent correct a child numerous times without enforcing it. Suddenly, even though they haven't made the child obey them the first or fifth time, the behavior gets on their last nerve. Immediately, the parent delivers an extremely harsh punishment for the "crime". The child is shocked and angry, because in his mind, the parent wasn't serious about enforcing the command, but then suddenly delivers the death penalty (so to speak) for the same disobedience. Minor offenses should receive minor consequences unless this is a repeat offense.

11. Whenever possible, try to have the consequence be logical. If they are rude to an outside adult, consider a long time out in which they have to write an apology letter to the adult. A missed curfew without a call may mean an earlier curfew or restriction for a period of time.

12. Only punish rebellion, not childish mistakes. If your child accidentally spills her milk, you may ask her to help you clean it up, but children are often clumsy and shouldn't be yelled at or punished for it. On the other hand, if you had asked her to move her milk to the other side so she wouldn't spill it and she disobeyed, punishment is necessary. A two year old who innocently (and loudly) says "Look at the weird man.", should not be punished, merely corrected gently. A teenager who has been taught how to treat people verbally and makes the same loud statement needs to be punished for being rude and disrespectful to others.

13. Punish the behavior not the person. Make sure your child understands you do not think she is a bad person, only that she made a bad choice which must not happen again. You are punishing her to help her remember she is never to do that again. Your child should always see your eyes light up when he walks in the room. He needs to know you love him, value him and think he is capable of being a wonderful Christian even when you are correcting a bad choice or bad behavior.

14. Don't take misbehavior personally. If you have a basically good relationship with your child, I can promise you she does not wake up thinking about how she can offend you, make you angry or hurt your feelings. Hormones, hunger, exhaustion and just bad choices are why she misbehaves. If you can remain emotionally detached from the behavior, your discipline will be more appropriate and effective.

15. Get your child on a schedule. This goes against the mainstream at the moment, but after years of working with all kinds of children, I can tell you children crave routine. They love to know what to expect when. They love having regular healthy meals and snacks (with an occasional treat) and a regular bed (and nap if young enough) time. Will they admit it? Probably not, but you will find your child behaves so much better if you feed him every few hours and he gets no less than 10-12 hours of sleep a day. (The 10-12 hours applies even to teens.) As an added bonus, your child will be healthier and you can actually make plans easily because you have a routine and a schedule.

16. Develop a look or a hand signal so your child knows he is being corrected without embarrassing him in front of others. Sometimes embarrassing your child may be part of the consequence. If it is a behavior that you know she is working on, a subtle look or previously agreed upon hand gesture is usually enough reminder to correct the behavior. If the look or gesture is obeyed immediately, I would not give out further consequences in most cases.

17. Stop it before it starts. A lot of misbehavior happens because parents are totally oblivious to their children. I have even seen a few whack their kids into various objects by accident because they forgot the kid was there. Children will often give you clues they are about to misbehave or throw a tantrum. Often they will give these clues minutes before the misbehavior actually happens. The trick is to nip it in the bud. A quick "Don't even think about it." or a well placed meal/snack/nap will often divert the child before the infraction has happened. Trust me, it is easier to stop a tantrum from ever happening than to stop one in full swing. Please understand, I do not mean give your child the toy she is begging for. I mean that often the tantrum is not about the toy but about the fact she is overdue for a meal or a nap. Be aware when your child's basic needs are not being met. Try to meet them or anticipate a melt down over something else entirely.

18. Don't be afraid to use humor. While not appropriate for serious infractions, humor can be a gentle, non-threatening way to correct bad behavior without raising tensions. It is especially effective if you already have a child with a strong sense of humor and have fun as a family. Just be careful that it is light humor and not bullying, hurtful sarcasm or verbal abuse disguised as humor.

19. After the punishment is given, re-establish your loving relationship with the child. Hug her and remind her that you will always love her no matter what. It's okay to add that you have a responsibility given to you by God to correct her behavior when it is unacceptable.

20. Take the time to develop a loving relationship with your child. Rebellious children are often that way because their parents have delivered strict discipline without the loving relationship wrapped around it. If you treat your child with great love and respect, they will respond so much better to your correction. Not every interaction with your child needs to be corrective. Most of them should be loving, supportive and fun. Children are excellent at detecting who really loves and cares about them and who is just "phoning it in." The older your children are, the more time you should be able to spend listening and loving rather than correcting. (It should always be that way. When your child is young though, it may feel like you are disciplining constantly. There will be days like that, but try to take some time during those bad days to cuddle with your child and tell him how much you love him. )

Give these teacher classroom management techniques a try. My guess is you will find they will work just as well with your own children. Just remember that if you truly want to dedicate your child to the Lord, it is easier for God to reach and use children who have been trained to be obedient, respectful and to follow His commands than children who have been allowed to be disobedient.

Discipline is for the Daring

When my daughter was little, we went to a lot of those mother/child classes. I used to cringe every time the teacher gave any instructions to the children. My favorite part was always when the teacher would ask the children to sit with their mothers in the circle. My daughter would quickly come and sit beside me as instructed.

The other mothers' children would continue to run around the room getting into things. Usually there were one or two mothers who felt guilty and began to try and convince their child to come sit beside them. "Oh, don't make them come get into the circle." the teacher would say. "They are too young to be expected to obey." Suddenly all eyes would turn to me and my obedient child. The look was similar to that you would give a suspected child abuser.

Often, comments would follow. "Oh, it must be so nice to have a child who was born compliant." "You realize you are stifling her creativity/free spirit by disciplining her." "Isn't my Johnny so cute/funny/free spirited?" I had to bite my tongue to keep from replying "That's what you think!" "No, she is actually very creative and I'm not sure I want a free spirit if that is what it acts like." and "No, actually your child is quite unpleasant to be around and is giving me a headache."

The funny thing was, my daughter even started to ask me after class why the other children acted that way. No, it wasn't because she wanted to be free to run wild like her peers. She actually found unruly children to be annoying and realized they were costing her a chance to do more exciting activities because the teachers couldn't pull those out with so many children out of control.

The negative parental peer pressure doesn't stop when they get older though. In fact, it actually gets more annoying. Parents who have raised their children into adulthood start to add their voices to the outcry. "Oh, just wait to your child gets to (fill in age three to five years older than your child), then you will see how much trouble they can be." "Of course she is sweet now, she's only (age)." Or the ever popular and somehow persistent, "It must be nice to have a child who was born so compliant."

Some days I feel like I am back in high school being pressured by my peers to break the rules. I began to realize that to raise a child to behave today takes as much strength to stand up to negative peer pressure as it did to not get drunk in high school. In some ways it may even be worse, as at least most of those high school activities would have resulted in negative consequences from your parents or the authorities.

Most parents who don't discipline their children are only faced with exhaustion, broken items, and a dearth of invitations which include their children. I would imagine most of them don't even realize they could avoid those consequences if their children were better behaved. Instead, they pride themselves on their hysterically funny, creative, free spirited children. What most people are afraid to tell them is that those children are not funny at all, but disrespectful and rude. They also hesitate to point out that creativity is better expressed on paper instead of their kitchen wall with a permanent marker.

When my daughter was little, I used to tell her that the polite, well-behaved children get a lot more privileges in life than the naughty ones. (Ron Clark's The Essential 55: An Award-Winning Educator's Rules For Discovering the Successful Student in Every Child gives some outside support of this theory.) Once she started to school, she really started to reap the benefits of being well-behaved. If you can stand up to the pressure and raise a well behaved child there are multiple benefits. Not only is your life more pleasant, but the outside world will start to provide your child with all sorts of positive reinforcement.

So how do you stand up to the negative parental peer pressure and raise a well-behaved child? Especially when you are sure everyone is convinced you are secretly beating him to make him that well behaved (authoritarian, oppressive, controlling or tiger mom are words you may hear)?

Actually, if you were good at standing up to peer pressure in high school, the same techniques work now with the parents who are trying to convince you to let your child "run free". If you went along with the crowd in your teens, now is the time to step up and do what is best for your child. It may feel very lonely sometimes, so find friends and mentors who will support you in your parenting.

If you need help with discipline, in my next post, I will give some techniques I learned during teacher training. In the meantime, dare to be different and discipline your child. It is much easier for God to reach and use a child who has been taught to be obedient than one who has been taught that disobedience is preferable for your personal growth and development or is somehow "funny".




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The Only Parenting Resolution You Will Ever Need

If you are like me, the last few weeks have been a blur. Too much rich food, too many late nights, too much running around in circles. Throw in too little exercise, too few vegetables (the kind without cheese and fried onions on them!) and too little sleep and we are all ready for the re-set that New Years resolutions bring.

If you are like most Christians, your list probably includes eating more healthy, exercising more, reading your Bible every day and improving your prayer life. You may have even decided that this is the year you will really focus on being more like Hannah and really dedicate your children to God. You plan to have a family devotional every day, go to every worship service and make an intentional effort to teach your child about God.

The problem with resolutions is that they usually require planning, self discipline, time and money. Most of us have at least some if not all of these things in short supply. If we didn't, we probably wouldn't need to make resolutions. Let's face it, for me to exercise every day, I need to schedule a time in my busy day for it. That usually works really well for about four days. Then something like an icy rain prevents me from keeping my schedule and the resolution is shot before the first week is up.

Eating healthy means that as the meal planner, I now have to come up with new recipes that are healthy, easy to prepare and that everyone will eat. If you are the cook in your house, you know how much time and energy that is going to take! Family devotionals - just throw that in with exercising. Going to services more regularly - works well until the first child wakes up with the the flu that then progresses through all five of your children and your husband before thrilling you.

What if I could give you a resolution that didn't require advance planning or scheduling? What if you could even be haphazard and still keep the resolution? What if just keeping this one resolution could help make you a more godly parent? What if I told you that keeping this one resolution would almost surely guarantee your child will get more intentional godly parenting than ever before?

Here it is: Every time you think of one of your children, drop everything and just do one thing to help dedicate that child to God.


Suppose you are in the shower. You think of your daughter. If she's under five, you are thinking of her because she is either in the bathroom with you or knocking on the door. If she's older, she may not even be in the house (Those of you with small children will just have to trust me when I tell you that you will eventually shower, yea even bathe, in peace again!)

The moment you think of her, stop soaping up and immediately do one thing that will help bring your child closer to God. If she's in the room, maybe you can teach her a hymn or the books of the Bible song. If she's not nearby, say a quick prayer that she will develop her own relationship with God.

Suppose you think of your son, mainly because he is in the car complaining about something his sister did to ruin his life. Here is where it can get fun and totally throw your kids for a loop (kids aren't the only ones that get to have fun!). Immediately turn the car into the nearest Starbucks and treat him to a hot chocolate. While he's drinking, ask him about what is going on in youth group at Church. What is he learning? What does he wish he were learning?

It's after dinner and you think of all of your children. Sure it is because they are fighting over which tv show to watch, but you are still thinking of them. Scoop them up and have a fun family devotional. There are lots of good family devotional books you can keep on hand that use items you have around the house. Maybe your topic can even be love.

You are on the computer when you remember your child needs new soccer cleats. Stop what you are doing and search for and purchase that student Bible you have been meaning to buy her. The point is to do something for that child to help him, her or them get closer to God the minute you think of that child.

You are probably thinking this will never work. You couldn't possibly be late to practice or miss an important meeting to stop right then and do something for your child. The reality is we do it all the time (sometimes for less important things) without even thinking about it. If the pot on the stove starts boiling over while you are typing a report, what do you do? What if you are in an important meeting and the school nurse calls saying your child has a high fever? If we are being totally honest, how many of us have rushed home early from PTA or Church to catch our favorite tv show?

The key to success is writing the resolution down (if you are forgetful) and putting it everywhere you might see it. Then just commit to following through. You may not do something for every child every day. Some days you might do a dozen things for one child or three things for all of them. The number isn't important at first.

My guess is that once you establish the habit, it will become more natural. Soon you will be obeying the command to talk to your children about God as you go about your day to day life. By committing to do just one thing, you will gradually become an intentional parent who is daily dedicating her children to God. You will be doing all sorts of things to help them on their spiritual walk. So this year just commit to do one thing and let me know what happens.