The other day I saw a cartoon on social media of a parent in a butler’s outfit bringing their child’s lunch to school on a silver platter. The caption accused parents of being their children’s butlers instead of their parents. You may be nodding your head in agreement for a variety of reasons, but as Christians this topic is a little more complex than it may seem on the surface.
People often think that Christianity is about the extremes, but the reality is that often Christianity requires balancing multiple commands and principles that at first glance may seem in contradiction or conflict. Doing that well is important for successful Christian parenting.
So what are the conflicting biblical commands or principles regarding serving your children? The two obvious ones are the commands to serve others and the command to “work as if working for the Lord”. If you constantly serve your children – never making them do anything for themselves – they will probably grow up and have a really difficult time having a godly work ethic. Why? Because habits begun in childhood are often the most difficult to break.
On the other hand, if your child has a chore to walk the dog and is overwhelmed with homework one night…. If you force him or her to complete the chore, he or she may do it, but it just adds to the already overwhelming stress. On the other hand, this is a wonderful way to model a servant heart for your child and offer to walk the dog “just this once” so your child can focus on the homework.
One of the five love languages is performing acts of service for the other person. Your children need you to serve them at times in order to feel truly loved. On the other hand, they don’t need to live a life of leisure where their only work is schoolwork and activities. That’s not an accurate reflection of what adult life is and will set them up for major shock and issues in several areas when they are independent.
So serve your children. Just don’t become their servants. It’s not good for either one of you or your relationship.