When Your Kid Doesn’t Fit In

We all seem to be a bit hardwired to want to fit in….to be popular. It’s perhaps a little less common in adults, but for children and teens it can be a major preoccupation. Some are content with being on the margins of popularity, while others will do literally anything to be considered popular or a member of the top social group.

While there are Christian character traits that will make people more likable in general, our beliefs mean we can’t do or even believe a lot of what popular culture and hence many peer groups promote. Your kids may go to a Christian school, which can help, but often even “Christian” kids aren’t really living their faith or even have any knowledge of what God commands of His people.

The truth is that if your kids are going to be strong Christians, they also need to learn how to stand with God – even if it means they are left out of parties or certain people they like won’t date them or befriend them. They need to learn how to do this without it destroying their self esteem or causing them to become arrogant, bitter or ugly in how they treat those who reject them.

They need your help in identifying their support network. Who are those people who will accept them and encourage them to obey God – even if they don’t agree with their Christian beliefs? Who will support them when they are struggling? Who will listen when they need to vent? Who will give them hugs or pray for them?

Remind them that even when you aren’t around to love and support them in person, you are always praying for them. Encourage them to use prayer and scripture to remind themselves that God is with them. Teach them how to reach out to their support network when they are struggling.

The truth is that Christians are never truly alone. Satan wants your kids to feel passing loneliness to their core. He wants them to crave fitting in and being popular. If he can accomplish that, it will be easy to get your kids to disobey God in a myriad of ways. Because the truth is that culture will always be anti God even when it pretends to be Christian. Your kids have to have the strength and courage to stand alone if necessary to please God. Fitting into the culture surrounding us rarely ends well for the Christian. Teach your kids to be comfortable on the margins.

Published by

Thereasa Winnett

Thereasa Winnett is the founder of Teach One Reach One and blogger at Parenting Like Hannah. She holds a BA in education from the College of William and Mary. She has served in all areas of ministry to children and teens for more than thirty years and regularly leads workshops for ministries and churches. She has conducted numerous workshops, including sessions at Points of Light’s National Conference on Volunteering and Service, the National Urban Ministry Conference, Pepperdine Bible Lectures, and Lipscomb’s Summer Celebration. Thereasa lives in Atlanta, GA with her husband Greg, where she enjoys reading, knitting, traveling and cooking.

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