“What were you thinking?” “What did you expect would happen?” “Didn’t you know that was due tomorrow?” Many of the most popular parenting questions are actually asked because we have forgotten to teach our kids how to be proactive rather than reactive. We may address some of the various skills of a proactive person, but we need to learn how to teach the heart attitude of being proactive.
Many of the negative consequences our kids will experience (and frankly that we see in the world today) are because people usually react to a situation rather than already having a plan in place should that experience ever happen. Unfortunately, many knee jerk reactions made in the heat of the moment result in decisions that are neither wise nor godly. Most of us don’t really think clearly under pressure and the lack of time won’t allow most of us the luxury of going through all of the steps necessary to make a wise choice.
Recently, I witnessed a group of adults telling some teens news they thought was great. From an adult perspective, it was wonderfully exciting news. As the news was shared, I watched as the teens clapped. They probably assumed it was expected, as the adults were cheering. The looks in most of their eyes told a much different story. The news made them uneasy and they doubted that it would indeed be positive for them personally. Yet, the adults around them missed the signals and continued chattering about how exciting it was.
If you have worked with teens for very long, you have talked with quite a few who have managed to entangle themselves in sin – even at their young age. Often part of the story includes a statement something like, “Since I had already committed xyz sin, I figured it didn’t matter that much if I committed abc sin (or xyz sin over and over).” Whenever I hear a teen or young adult say that, I just want to cry. They have bought Satan’s lie about a “tipping point” sin.
Recently, I was talking with a counselor who works with young adults. One of the concerns many, including this counselor, share is the increasing lack of resiliency they are seeing in children, teens and young adults.
After decades of working with all sorts of children and teens, I have seen a few who are what I would consider truly troubled. Even though I have some limited training in how to minister to their parents, I am not a counselor nor have I raised a child who was troubled. I am always searching for resources though, that may help parents through a valley that must seem impossibly deep and wide.