Feel like you are not as close to one or more of your kids as you would like to be? Don’t ignore the tension in your relationship, hoping it will disappear on its own. It may, but it’s more likely the issues will compound over time, gradually weakening your relationship.
You may not be overly concerned, because you believe it is natural for parents and kids to grow apart emotionally as your children approach adulthood. While teens will become more independent as they reach the end of high school, your emotional bonds should still be strong and healthy.
If you allow your relationship to deteriorate, you will have fewer opportunities to encourage your kids to grow to be who God wants them to be. Since getting your kids to Heaven should be your most important parenting goal, you need to have the type of relationship that allows you to provide guidance and advice to adult children if they need or want encouragement in their Christian walk.
Repairing relationships with your kids can become hard work if you let them deteriorate too far. If you catch issues when they begin though (or even before), it’s perfectly reasonable to expect your relationship to remain strong and healthy with a little focused effort.
There are fun things you can do with your kids that usually lead to a relationship becoming stronger.
- Playing board games. Games are fun if you don’t get too competitive. It’s a great way to switch gears if you are currently in a period when you have been giving a lot of corrections and consequences.
- Parent child dates. This is great for kids who have lots of siblings or for a parent who is absent a lot because of work or other obligations. Take one child at a time and do something you will both enjoy. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Choose activities that will allow you to have great conversations, too.
- Take a class together. Learning together can be a great equalizer for a child who feels unheard or invisible. Take a class in an area where you both have no experience or your child is a bit better at the topic then you are.
- Hikes, walks and other physical activities. This is great for parents and kids under a lot of stress. If the activity makes talking difficulty, make sure you allow time for talking in a relaxing activity afterwards.
- Cooking. There’s something about a kitchen that encourages kids to talk. Your conversations will be even longer if your child is helping you cook something – or you are helping your child cook.
- Planning an adventure. Whether it’s a family vacation, a birthday party or redecorating their bedroom, planning something big usually involves a lot of conversation and a bit of dreaming.
- Serving someone. If your child is old enough, let him or her take the lead planning and executing the service project. Instead of correcting your child when you think his or her ideas are unrealistic, ask questions to get your child to reflect and make more effective choices. Service is a great way to take the focus off of any tension and put it into working together to help someone else. It can also give all of you some needed perspective.
In the end, what the activity is will not be as important as carving out extra time to really interact with your child in meaningful ways. Those times can help even great parent – child relationships. They can also repair the emotional distancing that can sometimes occur as kids get older. It’s worth your extra time and effort.