Category: Character Training

Chances are your children think of the adorable, slow moving animal when they hear the word “sloth”. They have no idea that it also describes a character trait that isn’t pleasing to God. Thankfully, there are a lot of fun ways to teach your children about the biblical meaning of sloth and why being slothful should be something they avoid.

It’s important (before we begin) to differentiate between the sloth and godly, Sabbath type rest. Jesus rested regularly and encouraged his disciples to rest as well. He knew that to be healthy and effective in ministry, it is important to get regular, deep rest. Interestingly, most of us today equate idleness with rest. Secular studies have found that idle activities, like screen time, don’t provide the restorative type rest our bodies and souls really need. Instead, those activities are often addictive and can lead to a life of slothfulness.

There are a lot of great Bible verses about sloth like Ecclesiastes 10:18 and Proverbs 19:15. Most are very colorful and descriptive verses about what can happen when one lives a life of sloth or what it looks like to live the opposite life – like an ant (Proverbs 6:6-9). Chances are great though that your children will need some practical experiences (and guided reflection thereafter) to really grasp the need to avoid being like a sloth!

Here are some ideas to get you started.

1. Have an ant farm or go watch the ants in your yard. I loved having an ant farm as a child. It seems like ants never stop working. They are fascinating to watch. Better yet, they are a real life example mentioned in scripture … a way your kids can see scripture come to life.
2. Visit a farm, talk to the farmer about all of the work that goes into a successful farm and help out (if you’re allowed to do so). Not many jobs require more work than a small family farm. Just listening to farmers talk about their daily work is enough to exhaust you. Even better if it is a family friend who can put your kids to work for the day, so they can experience some of that hard work for themselves.
3. Make treats for the school custodian and get him or her to tell your kids about all of their job responsibilities. As an adult, I have to believe being a school custodian may be second only to a hospital orderly for jobs that are both hard and regularly unpleasant. Yet, my experience has been that many school custodians are some of the nicest, kindest people in the school. What a wonderful person to teach your kids about having a great attitude while doing a difficult job that often goes unnoticed!
4. Grow a garden or visit a you-pick-them farm or orchard and process the “fruit” for personal use and to share with others. My family had a ½ acre garden when I was growing up. It involved a lot of labor, but provided most of our food and food to share. The summer of the unbelievable corn crop and the work it took to process is still one of family legend! If you don’t have the space for your own garden, chances are you are only a couple of hours away from a farm or orchard where you can purchase a bushel or two of something and process it. Freezing is often the easiest if you don’t do it regularly and you can find step by step instructions online.
5. Visit an assisted living facility or nursing home and ask the oldest residents about what it was like to do things like laundry or cooking dinner when they were little. We forget that even a few decades ago many people hung their clothes outdoors to dry or made most of their dinner from scratch – including things like bread. We complain about how busy we are, but they knew true work all day – every day!
6. Participate in a “hard” service project. These are usually a favorite of youth groups, but you can do them as a family, too.
7. Ask employers and managers about sloth versus hard work as an employee. They probably have plenty of interesting and funny stories to tell if they have managed people for awhile. It’s important for your children to really understand what an employer considers sloth versus hard work and how it impacts their reaction to and treatment of employees.
8. Make sloth art. Have your children draw a large outline of a sloth (the animal!). Inside the sloth, have them write or draw what a person who is slothful is like. Outside the sloth, have them write or draw the characteristics of someone who is not slothful.
9. Visit a zoo with a sloth. You can use Google to find out if your local zoo has a sloth. Spend some time watching the sloth and discussing the movement (or lack thereof). If you don’t have a local sloth, watch some sloth videos online. There’s nothing like watching a real sloth to help one’s understanding of slothfulness!

It’s important that after any activity you take some time to sit down with your children and discuss what happened during your activity. What did they learn about sloth? About hard work? Most importantly, what changes do they think God would want them to make so they have less sloth in their lives?

The Bible tells us that the words that come out of our mouths are one of the hardest things for us to control. They are often the thing that hurts others and makes situations more negative and complex than they need to be. When coupled with the lack of general maturity and a pre-frontal cortex that isn’t fully developed, it’s no wonder your children struggle with using words that help rather than hurt a person or a situation.

Communication is necessary for your children to be healthy mentally, academically and spiritually. It’s an important part in having healthy relationships with family and friends. It can also help them get a better education or job or accomplish things that make the world a better place. So the solution is not to tell your kids to just be quiet all of the time. (Although the Bible does tell us to focus on listening more than talking – crucial advice for your children to master.)

If your children have developed bad speech habits – like whining, complaining, lying or cursing – just telling them to stop may work only to a point – if at all. Poor speech needs to have better communication habits ready with which to replace it. Helping your children practice these better communication options for common issues can help them make better choices of words in the moment.

Here are some great replacement types of words to use for common issues.

1. Instead of curse words, use large “fluffy” words or appropriate idioms (not curse words) from another language. Cursing is often a quick way to show others a strong emotion or to communicate in such a way the speaker believes he or she will actually be heard. What’s more attention getting than a young child spouting a multi-syllabic word or a funny idiom from another language or time period? As an added benefit, they are improving their vocabularies, knowledge of history or another language and culture. Instead of cursing when angry, your kids can say they’re madder than a bear with a sore head or that it’s their bete noire! The ears of others will tune in to the strangeness of it.
2. Instead of whining, ask what they can do to help change things and make them better for everyone. Whining usually happens when someone is unhappy that things aren’t going “right”. It can be from pure selfishness on the part of the whiner, but sometimes the “responsible” party would love to fix things, but just doesn’t have the resources. Offering to help can take stress off of that person and may also provide what the whiner initially wanted.
3. Instead of complaining, list three things for which they are grateful or think of/do at least one thing to improve the situation. (Note: This is not about filing a formal complaint to get something fixed, but general non-productive complaining.) Complaining can come from a loss of perspective. Or an unwillingness to make changes to improve the situation. By listing blessings, perspective can be regained. By making a positive change like always placing their backpacks by the front door at night, they will no longer have to complain about not being able to find them in time.
4. Instead of lying, tell the truth and accept responsibility. This is tough for many children. They know that telling certain truths means consequences will follow, so they lie to avoid those consequences. Help them see that the consequences for lying are much worse, by talking about how trust is destroyed by lies (and the consequences of that) and by giving stricter consequences for lying to avoid getting in trouble.
5. Instead of saying something unkind, be an encourager and problem solver. Often unkind words (particularly between siblings) are often said out of frustration at something like “loud chewing” or crossing imaginary boundary lines. Instead of saying something hurtful to someone, teach your children to look for something positive to say to the person that will encourage him or her to focus on positive behaviors. Or if someone is annoying them with something like their loud chewing, find a solution, like asking if they can play background music at the table.
6. Instead of criticizing, seek to know. We live in a critical world. Not critical thinking, but an unspoken belief that by criticizing others, we somehow look better. Often, the people we are criticizing are people we don’t know very well. It’s easy to assume the worst of others. Assuming the best doesn’t mean you are excusing the poor choices others may make, but rather you are seeking to better understand the person, his or her situation and why the person may have made the choice being criticized. Of course, the best antidote for criticism to teach your children is to seek to know others. Be curious. Don’t grill them like a police interrogator, but ask questions designed to help them better understand the person and to find areas of commonality. Those areas of commonality can become building blocks to serving others, sharing their faith and perhaps making a new life long friend.
7. Instead of yelling angry words, resolve the conflict. Yelling angry words, may feel helpful, but they usually just worsen conflicts. Instead, teach your children a conflict resolution model and help them practice using it. Here is the conflict resolution model from our website.
8. Instead of gossiping, change the subject. Gossip has a way of getting out of control and spreads lies about people from which they may have a hard time recovering. Your kids may not start the gossiping, but they can stop it by changing the topic of conversation. This allows them to stop it without lecturing their peers.

This list isn’t all inclusive, but you get the idea. For any negative speech you believe is ungodly or hurting them in some way, help them find a replacement speech that accomplishes their goals in a more productive way. In fact, some of those good speech habits, they may want to incorporate more even when not needing a substitute for poor word choices. Help your kids listen well and speak so people want to listen to them.

Naaman is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. You see, Naaman was a wealthy, powerful man in his world. There was only one problem. He had contracted leprosy, which meant being ostracized from society. His wife’s servant had heard of the prophet Elisha’s ability to do miracles. Fast forward and Naaman is told by Elisha that to be healed he merely needs to wash in the Jordan River seven times. Simple, right?

Naaman was…. appalled! The Jordan River was not a mighty, beautiful river. It couldn’t possibly be the answer. The problem is that too many of us are like Naaman. The simple solution seems too plain… too dirty. Why do that when we can wash in fancier or more expensive water? Yet, those fancy things wouldn’t cure Naaman. Only obeying God and washing in the muddy Jordan would heal him.

Christian parenting can be like that. We want to be able to spend money or do something fancy to ensure our kids will grow up to be strong, faithful, productive Christians. Unfortunately, there is no magic, fancy, pretty solution. Christian parenting is successful when parents do those simple every day things with their children – like family devotionals, prayer and regular worship attendance. It comes from consistent serving of others and sharing your faith.

And it comes from the daily shaping of their character and hearts. Want a simple ongoing, fun activity that can help shape your children’s character? It’s not fancy. Or expensive. It won’t work immediately. You will have to do it with your kids – at least at first. Over time though, it can help your children develop perseverance, patience, a strong work ethic, problem solving abilities and much more.

So what is one of the Jordan Rivers of Christian parenting? Jigsaw puzzles! Yes, jigsaw puzzles. Find a card table you can leave up all of the time and start a jigsaw puzzle. If you sit and work on it for a time, your kids will likely join you (assuming you enforce device free time in your home). Have fun with it. The puzzles should be challenging, but not too frustrating – especially if they have never done one before. Be excited by the idea of finishing it and they will catch your excitement. As time goes on and the puzzles get harder and take longer to solve, you may just find they are improving their character as well.