Category: Character Training

What Will Distract Your Kids From God?

The devil isn’t going to walk up to your kids dressed in red and carrying a pitchfork. He might not even get them enmeshed in a some sin from which they find it difficult to extract themselves. If you are familiar with the works of C.S. Lewis, however, you know often Satan uses more subtle tricks to move us away from God. One of those tricks is to distract your kids so that God – and obeying and serving Him – slips their minds.

It’s not that they forget God exists or even stop believing in Him. They just don’t think it’s that important to obey Him, serve Him or make Him happy. They think they have a free pass to Heaven and can do whatever they want because God has become a very low priority in their distracted state.

So what will distract your kids from being who God wants them to be? I wish I could tell you and give you a full proof battle plan to protect them. The truth is that each of your kids will be potentially distracted by different things. Some will be distracted by the bad things that happen when one lives in a fallen world. Others will be distracted by so called good things, like money or fame. Others will become distracted with their jobs, sports, leisure activities and even family.

Part of the way you can teach your kids to avoid becoming distracted is to let them know that it can happen so innocently and subtly that they may not even realize it is happening. Talk about the areas in which each of them feels they could be vulnerable. Discuss ways of noticing for themselves and for others in the family when someone is becoming distracted. Figure out ways to get back on track when one of you realizes you have been distracted for a time.

Don’t let Satan win your children away from God by the easiest and most subtle trick he’s got. Protect them by preparing them. Sometimes awareness is the best prevention of all.

Activity to Get Your Kids Thinking About Their Social Media Posts

You don’t have to look very hard to find lists of guidelines and rules you should have for your kids regarding social media. While that can help, there is a bigger issue at hand. They won’t have you policing them or even be truly accountable to you in a few years. Do they really care about how what they post impacts others? Do they think about the consequences or are their posts stream of consciousness, letting the chips fall where they may?

There is a mini family devotional and conversation you can do with your kids to get them thinking more deeply about their social media posts. Start by asking your kids if they can think of anyone in the Bible who was rather upset and embarrassed when God or Jesus asked them about what they had done? Ask them why, for instance, King David had Uriah murdered when he knew it was wrong and how he reacted when he was confronted by the prophet. There is a tendency to forget God sees and hears everything we do and knows what we are thinking. Read 2 Corinthians 5:10. Would any of the people in the Bible they mentioned earlier have acted differently had they remembered they would have to answer to God for their choices?

Explain that social media posts are seen by God. In fact, He knows what we are thinking, before we even post it. What would God’s opinion be of what they have posted? Would they be embarrassed to show God their posts? You may even want to take a look at a celebrity’s social media posts. Are there things they would be proud to show God? What about their motives for posting certain things? Or the honesty of them? Are they promoting products that are chintzy in order to make more money for themselves…knowing their followers are wasting their money? Have fun with it, but try to get them thinking deeper about what they post, too.

End the conversation by asking them to think of ways to remember that God cares about what they post. How can they use social media to honor and serve God? How can they still have fun on social media without hurting others? How does God want them to use their social media platform?

Helping Your Kids to Have Hope in Rough Times

Life can be rough – even if you are a kid. Sure, as an adult, you know most of their problems on any given day aren’t that serious. They don’t have a lot of life experience, however, so something that seems minor to adults is quite possibly one of the worst things they have ever had happen to them.

It doesn’t help them to mock their feelings or downplay their emotions. They are very real and very painful, even if they seem overly dramatic to you. What can help is teaching them how to find hope when times are rough. Learning this critical Christian life skill will also help them when they grow older and the problems are much more serious.

Begin by telling them the story of Paul and Silas found in Acts 16:16-40. Explain what jails were like during that time. (This link contains a rather graphic article on Roman prisons that you can soften a bit for your children. Or you can use information from this Wikipedia article.) Ask your children how they think Paul and Silas might have felt to be in such horrible conditions. Then ask them why they believe Paul and Silas were singing, something we often associate with being happy.

Explain that Paul and Silas knew they were living in a fallen world where life often isn’t fair and bad things can happen to people who we think don’t deserve them. They knew, however, that this was only a very small part of a much larger picture. They knew eternity was a lot longer than any time on Earth and that by following and obeying God, they would spend it in Heaven with God – a place so perfect we can’t even really imagine it.

Have your kids think of things they can do to have attitudes and faith like that of Paul and Silas when they encounter bad times in their own lives. They can create artwork or a list they can refer back to the next time they are having a rough time. End by reminding them that their hope is in God and a future in Heaven and that by focusing on that God can help them survive and even thrive during difficult times.

Fun Activity for Teaching Kids About Self-Centeredness

The funny thing about people who are self-centered is that they often appear to be totally unaware that they think the world should revolve around them. In fact, confront the far end of the spectrum – a narcissist- and they are likely to respond with “Who, me?”

God wants His people to put others before themselves…. to have servant hearts. To put God in the center of their universe, not themselves. There is a fun activity you can do to help your kids become more aware of when they are shifting into self-centeredness.

Plan an evening or a few hours in the weekend when you can spend time together as a family. Plan to have a meal together and play board games or do some other activity. Before your time together begins. Tell your kids the story of Absalom found in 2 Samuel 13-19, focusing particularly on his moments of pride and vanity. Ask your kids what it means to be self centered. Read 1 Peter 5:6. Point out that “I” is often the antithesis of humility.

Explain that for the rest of the day, the goal is for everyone to avoid saying the words “I, me, my or mine”. Ask your kids why those words when we say or think them can be a sign we are struggling to be humble and may be becoming self-centered. Make a tally sheet for each person. Everyone needs to listen for the “forbidden” words during your family time and keep track of who said them. The winner is the person who said them the least by the end of family time.

End your time together by discussing why God doesn’t want us to be focused on ourselves, but Him and others in life. When you notice bad habits starting up again in the future, you can do the activity again for an awareness check. Raising humble children is the key to their own spiritual health and the health of the church.

Top Tips for Teaching/Coaching Your Kids Without Destroying Your Relationship

I can see it in their eyes. We are on a second generation of young families in our neighborhood. For many of the families, sports have been a major focus. So I get a bird’s eye view of how some parents try to teach, or in this case, coach their kids. They mean well, but the words and methods they use are driving a wedge between them and their kids. I literally can see it in the eyes of their children as they begin shutting down emotionally when their parents “instruct them”.

Now, mind you, these aren’t bad parents or they wouldn’t care about how their children are doing. They are trying to help, but unbeknownst to them, their methods are actually hurting their relationship with their kids.

Thankfully, a few tweaks could change everything. Here’s what to keep in mind the next time you try to teach your child something.

  1. Just because you know how to do something well, doesn’t necessarily mean you know how to teach someone else how to do it. Teaching is an art and a science. I remember one of my education classes spent a lot of time teaching us how to figure out what a student was thinking by the types of errors they made on a math assignment. I’ve had people teach me sport skills where an extremely minor adjustment in my pinkie position meant a huge leap of improvement in how well I executed an entire skill set. Unless you were trained to teach whatever it is you are teaching, you are learning how to teach as much as your child is learning the skill.
  2. Many coaches are horrible teachers, too. If you are modeling your demeanor after an old coach, you are very likely mirroring toxic teaching. Yelling, cursing and berating are not helpful when trying to teach someone how to do something well, but many coaches think it is.
  3. Partner with your child. YouTube can be really helpful. Find videos that teach the skill from a master teacher in the topic. Watch it together, then help your child practice it.
  4. Watch your tone. You’ve probably said it to your kids a thousand times. It’s not always what you say, but how you say it. Frustration and anger in your tone doesn’t make the situation pleasant or your coaching helpful. If you can’t control your tone, it’s probably time for a break.
  5. Watch your attitude. Acting like a know-it-all, being demeaning, making your child feel stupid or less than for having failed to previously master the skill….. a bad attitude sets up your teaching or coaching session as a major wedge in your relationship.
  6. Celebrate the process and incremental improvements. Mastering anything takes time and practice. If your child is struggling, encouraging words are a balm to the soul.
  7. Know when to hire someone or ask for help. If you know you and your kids are going to struggle emotionally for you to teach a skill, consider asking someone else to teach your child. Perhaps another parent or a friend of yours would love to help. Or maybe it’s time to hire a tutor or other expert. It may be worth saving your relationship with your child to pay someone else to teach them.

Don’t be afraid to teach your child or coach your kids. Just remember that your relationship is more important than them mastering any skill.