Category: Mentoring

Using Your Kids’ Interests to Reinforce Biblical Truths

What are your kids’ interests outside of screen time? If they don’t have any, that’s another discussion (But please get them back in the real world!). Did you know you can use aspects of their interests to reinforce things they are learning from the Bible? You just need to help them look a little below the surface to find all kinds of real life examples.

How? Let’s say your teen daughter loves watching rom coms on Great American Family. Enjoy the movie with her. As you are watching, take note of choices the characters make. Were there any sins (probably not on GAF)? Were there poor choices or red flags that a person would not make a great spouse? Were there questionable choices for a healthy relationship (for example basically dating someone while in a committed relationship with someone else)? What consequences did or could these choices cause? After the movie, choose one observation and ask your daughter, “What did you think about so and so doing such and such?” Or “Why do you think their relationship didn’t last?”

What if your kids participate in a sport? After practice or a game, bring up an incident or comment on one they mention. Focus on whether or not the choice leading to the incident was good or bad and what influenced their interpretation of the event. What would God have to say about the choice? What other consequences could come for the person who made a poor choice now and farther down the road?

If your children are into the arts, the conversation can take a different direction. In the arts, the focus is often on obvious and hidden messages and themes. Talk about those messages. Discuss whether or not God would want certain messages amplified with the arts or better, more godly messages shared. What sort of messages do they want to send to others with their participation in their art of choice?

You have to be careful not to do this every single time or to sound like you are lecturing them when you do. Make the conversations casual, but meaningful. Show real interest in hearing their thoughts and opinions because they may be sharing parts of their hearts with you as they talk. Since they are already interested in the springboard for the conversation, they may also be willing to discuss it at more length than if you brought it up in some other way. Using your children’s interest to begin spiritual conversations is a great way to help them better understand what God expects from them in a non threatening way. Doing it regularly can help you reinforce important biblical truths you hope they live out in their lives.

What Will Distract Your Kids From God?

The devil isn’t going to walk up to your kids dressed in red and carrying a pitchfork. He might not even get them enmeshed in a some sin from which they find it difficult to extract themselves. If you are familiar with the works of C.S. Lewis, however, you know often Satan uses more subtle tricks to move us away from God. One of those tricks is to distract your kids so that God – and obeying and serving Him – slips their minds.

It’s not that they forget God exists or even stop believing in Him. They just don’t think it’s that important to obey Him, serve Him or make Him happy. They think they have a free pass to Heaven and can do whatever they want because God has become a very low priority in their distracted state.

So what will distract your kids from being who God wants them to be? I wish I could tell you and give you a full proof battle plan to protect them. The truth is that each of your kids will be potentially distracted by different things. Some will be distracted by the bad things that happen when one lives in a fallen world. Others will be distracted by so called good things, like money or fame. Others will become distracted with their jobs, sports, leisure activities and even family.

Part of the way you can teach your kids to avoid becoming distracted is to let them know that it can happen so innocently and subtly that they may not even realize it is happening. Talk about the areas in which each of them feels they could be vulnerable. Discuss ways of noticing for themselves and for others in the family when someone is becoming distracted. Figure out ways to get back on track when one of you realizes you have been distracted for a time.

Don’t let Satan win your children away from God by the easiest and most subtle trick he’s got. Protect them by preparing them. Sometimes awareness is the best prevention of all.

9 Ways Christian Parents Can Support Their Kids in School

Schools start their year in a couple of weeks here. Whether your kids go to public or private school or you homeschool, they will be much more successful and happier if they feel supported by you throughout the year.

You don’t want to do their homework for them (Trust me. Teachers can tell whether their kindergarten student or his architect dad completed the city model project!), but what are some ways you can truly support your children in their educational journey?

  1. Pray for your children, their friends, teachers, administrators, etc. Remind your kids daily that you are praying for them while they are in school. If you carpool, pray over them in the car as you drop them off (with driver’s eyes open of course!). When checking in about their day, remind them you have been praying about any specific need and ask how they believe God is answering that prayer (remember “wait” and “no” are answers from God, too).
  2. Listen. When your kids want to talk about their day or something in their lives, drop everything and fully engage. Use active listening techniques – like nodding and asking clarifying questions. If your kids don’t feel like they can talk to you, they will turn to whomever will listen to them – and that doesn’t always end well.
  3. Point out God. Sometimes you can do this by pointing out how you see God working in a situation. At other times, you may use God’s Words in scripture to remind them of things God wants them to know and how it applies to that real life incident.
  4. Get to know their friends. There is nothing more annoying to a young person than telling a story about friends and continually being interrupted by a parent asking them to explain who the various friends are. If you have trouble keeping it straight, make yourself a cheat sheet you can refer to if necessary. Don’t stop there though. Be the house where there is always food and fun. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Or be the one who drives the group places. You will really get to know their friends as you spend time with them. Then you can help them navigate tricky relationships and be supportive of their friends as well.
  5. Respect their teachers. I know there are teachers your children may have who are less than ideal. It’s okay to advocate for your child, but you can do it respectfully. Go through the proper channels, in the proper order. Don’t email the principal before you have spoken to the teacher about the problem. Avoid yelling, cursing and name calling. As my grandmother used to say, “You catch more flies with homey than with vinegar.” More importantly, you are modeling Romans 13:1-7 for your children. (I know it doesn’t directly address school teachers and principals, but I think the underlying principle applies.)
  6. Make sure they get lots of sleep, exercise and healthy foods. Behavior issues, lack of stamina, poor moods, etc. can often be improved or eliminated with proper rest, exercise and diet. All kids through age 18 can benefit from 9-12 hours of sleep a day. In fact, teens need more sleep than children do in many cases. A quick run around the yard can actually make it easier for them to sit down and do their homework. (Just be sure to agree upon a set amount of time for outdoor play before they start.) Don’t forget that heavily processed foods will make them sluggish and can create immunity issues from a lack of vitamins and minerals.
  7. Have breakfast and dinner together as a family. One country has an amazingly high score on tests of both childhood happiness and kids having similar beliefs as their parents when they become adults. They credit it to mandatory family breakfasts and dinners. They won’t even invite others to join them for those meals. You don’t necessarily have to go that far, but studies have shown spending time eating meals as a family and talking about everything while eating improves outcomes for children and teens in multiple areas.
  8. Know their rights as Christians. Public school students have more rights to discuss and write about their faith than most teachers and administrators know. At the beginning of every school year, various groups like Focus on the Family publish an updated list of student rights that apply regardless of the school system. They also alert you to ones that may vary from school to school. Familiarize yourself with their rights and educate your children so they can respectfully advocate for themselves. If there have been issues in the past, take time to role play ways of handling similar situations.
  9. Celebrate victories! No, as an educator, I don’t feel there is much long term value in bribing children and teens to do well in school. I do believe that school can feel very overwhelming at times. Any victory – whether it’s good grades or getting some sort of award – should be celebrated. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. The point is to acknowledge the victory in a way the child can hear.

All of these tips require you to be engaged with your children and their school life. They don’t need you to micromanage them or swoop in like a mother hawk to attack and “fix” things. They do desperately need to feel your love and support. That’s what will make them truly resilient in school.

Helping Your Kids Make New Year’s Resolutions All Year

Our holiday celebrations have done us a disservice. We have unknowingly come to believe that decisions to change are best made on New Year’s Day. Which is fine if it’s only a couple of days away, but not so great if it is another 364 days from now.

Your children need to believe they can initiate needed changes – especially with God’s help – at any point in time. In fact, that is one of the huge beliefs underpinning Christianity – that we can change and make godly choices, becoming who God wants us to be. Don’t let a little thing like New Year’s undermine your children’s ability to repent and change course whenever it is needed.

You can lead by example – announcing a change you want to make at some random time and asking them to encourage you and hold you accountable. You can also create little random times of setting goals for positive change. A mom I know said that they would each write down something in their lives they wanted to get rid of (like a bad habit) and throw the piece of paper into the fire to symbolize the change they were working towards. You could have a “Goal of the Month” for the family or each person. Create space on birthdays, holidays, family vacations and at other times when a little reflection and goal setting would add to the experience.

While hopefully some of the goals will be spiritual, it’s okay to have some fun goals too. There’s nothing wrong with everybody saving money together so you can go on a special vacation. Or finally climbing that nearby mountain together. Your kids will still learn something from the process of how to set and achieve goals in life that can translate to spiritual goals as well.

Don’t believe the cultural hype that goal setting is for stressed out perfectionists. God has always asked His people to continue to grow spiritually and that’s a lot easier to accomplish if your kids learn how to set and reach spiritual goals.

6 Ways Walks Can Make Christian Parenting Easier

Have you ever thought about how many times the Bible mentions that someone was walking? Granted, there weren’t a lot of other options unless you owned a donkey or a camel, but was it really necessary to tell us certain people were walking? Maybe not in some cases, but Jesus had a lot of important conversations as he was walking with people. He knew that there is something about walking that seems to lower defenses and encourages more open conversation.

There is quite a bit of research on the benefits of walking. These benefits can make parenting easier and Christian parents can get a few extra benefits from those walks. Many of these benefits differ slightly when you are walking alone versus walking with your spouse or children or as a family.

  • Manages energy levels. Walking is interesting in that it can give those whose energy is lagging more energy, but also helps burn off excess energy for those that have too much. Regular walks will give any of your kids who may need it more energy. If your kids are over energized after a day at school sitting at desks, a brisk walk can help them burn off the excess energy that might otherwise get them in trouble. When energy levels are managed well, misbehavior from too much energy can decrease and you will have more energy to teach, guide and correct when necessary. Even those kids who feel too tired to do homework may find a brisk walk gives them the second wind they need.
  • Tempers emotions. A recent study found that many people suffering from depression found a marked improvement in mood when they took daily long walks. Negative emotions can work themselves out from the physical activity. These emotions may not totally disappear, but they will most likely lessen, making it easier to talk with your child about them.
  • Praying/clear thinking. Struggling with what to do about a parenting issue? I do some of my best creative thinking on long walks. The trick is to leave the music at home and focus on praying about the issue that is bothering you. This also works for your kids when they are wrestling with an issue.
  • Talking to each other. Long walks often work like magic to get even non-communicative children talking to their parents. Leave the phones and music at home. Walk in silence for a bit if necessary. Ask a simple open ended question. Leave lots of room for your kids to talk. You may just be surprised how much they will tell you when you aren’t distracted.
  • Pointing out God. The Bible tells us Creation points us to God. Taking walks with your kids, spouse or even by yourself can remind you God is at work in the world today. When walking with your kids, point out things that make you think about God. Closely examine lease, rocks, insects and other things God made to get a close up look at the intricacy of God’s Creation (take along a magnifying class and binoculars to see things better).

Long walks won’t make every aspect of Christian parenting easier, but they can definitely help. Start making room on your daily calendar for a walk.