Generosity – Parenting Like Hannah

Fun Fall Family Service Projects

The weather in Fall is great for getting outside or doing things inside that keep you cozy and warm on those chilly, rainy days. Why not spend some family time together serving others? You and your kids will not only help others, but quite probably grow closer, learn something and have fun in the process.

Here are some of our favorite ideas.

Go apple picking and share the wealth. Churches and other places that give food to those experiencing food insecurity rarely have access to fresh fruits and vegetables. Why not have fun picking a bushel of apples and donating them? Or share a handful of apples with neighbors and friends or someone who could also use a visit. (Call churches and food banks first, as not everyone accepts fresh produce.)
Make some muffins and take them to someone who is lonely. Our favorite recipes? One box spice cake mix, one small can of pumpkin and half of that can of water. Mix and bake at 350* until firm to touch. Or use a mix for cinnamon bread or muffins, dice some fresh apples and add them into the mix with the other ingredients. Plan on spending a few minutes just chatting with the person when you deliver the muffins. If your kids are young, encourage them to also create some art for the person.
Rake some leaves. Know someone who has been sick or is older and doesn’t use a lawn service? Why not save them some time and money and rake their leaves for them. (Make sure to clarify what they want done with the gathered leaves.)
Go to the Farmers’ Market and have someone over for dinner. Farmers’ markets have lots of fun ingredients, but many also have booths selling things like fresh pasta, meats, and even prepared dishes. Go to the market as a family and pick out everything you need for a meal. Then invite someone over to share it with you. Hospitality is a key ingredient of spiritually vital homes and this is a fun way to be hospitable.
Clean up trails and parks for others to enjoy and to keep animals safe. Use safety precautions, but take a bag and wear safety gloves the next time you go on a hike or play in the park. Clean up the place a bit.

Take advantage of Fall and serve others as a family. It’s a great way to celebrate the cooler weather and can become a family tradition.

How to Raise a Generous Child

Talk to any ministry or non-profit and they will tell you they are concerned about the future. Why? Because they are noticing more and more that all of their volunteers and donors are over the age of fifty. They realize our culture inside and outside of the church environment no longer values service and generosity. There are lots of cultural reasons for that, but as Christians, we aren’t given an option to let professionals or the government serve others for us. The commands are frequent and clear. Each Christian is expected to serve others and give generously. Personally.

So what are some things you can do to raise kids with servant and generous hearts? Here are some of our favorites.

Set a great example. What do your kids see as they watch you? What do they hear as you speak? Are you more concerned with getting new things for yourself or helping others with the things you already have? Do they see you regularly donating to collections at church for various items? Do they hear you and your spouse discuss how you can increase your contribution to church and other ministries? Or do they hear you complain when a ministry asks for money? Do they listen as you try to figure out ways to cut your contributions to church so you have more money for yourself? Hopefully they watch you spend time every week serving others and giving? Kids do what they know, so your example is key.
Find ways to include them in your service and giving. Have them go with you and help at their level when you serve. Encourage them to find ways they can personally cut back so your family has more money to contribute to a need. Give them extra little jobs so they can earn money to donate themselves. The younger they start serving and giving, the more it is likely to become a natural part of who they are at their very core.
Tell them empathy stories. Help create an empathetic heart by making sure they know what life is like for those you may be serving. The best of course, is to let them hear the stories of their lives from the people themselves. You can also build empathy by reading books written for children about life in different situations. Share your own experiences or those of people you know when appropriate. Service disconnected from the people being served can at times become judgmental and even condescending. Make sure your children understand the full story behind why people need help in age appropriate ways.
Talk about people in the Bible who served others or gave generously. Tell them the story of Abraham and his three visitors. Or Jesus and his ministry. Or the generosity of the early church. Read to them about the widow and her generous donation and the Good Samaritan. Don’t forget to teach them God’s commands on the topic. Encourage them to memorize key verses and revisit them regularly.
Encourage independent efforts at giving and service. Some children are just naturally generous. They just need praise and encouragement to stay the way they are. Other kids are a little more oblivious or even a bit selfish. They need a little nudging to even notice needs – much less respond to them. Instead of telling them what to do, ask them questions to help them decide on their own what the person needs and how they can help. Make sure to let them know you noticed and appreciated their efforts when they do act in generous ways or serve someone else.
Expose them to other generous people who serve others constantly with their time, talents and money. Invite someone over for dinner who goes on mission trips and encourage them to tell your family what it’s like. Or someone who is deeply involved in ministry to a particular group of people and ask them to tell your children about the issues, their efforts to help and the victories and challenges in their ministry. (Note: These interactions are sometimes even more meaningful if the person isn’t a paid minister, but someone who does it on a volunteer basis.)
Give them an allowance and encourage them to give a portion of it back to God. There are lots of creative ways to start children in the habit of giving a portion of their income back to God. It’s more difficult with online giving, but most churches still have a donation box in the foyer. Make sure your kids go every week and put in their money. As teens, help them set up a bank account and teach them how to set up automatic contributions to your congregation.

Raising a generous child doesn’t happen by accident. But with a little intentionality and extra effort, your children can grow up to be the givers God wants them to be.

Top Tips for Raising Kids With Servant Hearts

I was reading a parenting book by a secular author who was amazed to stumble across a home in another culture where a child saw dirty dishes in the sink and got up to wash them without being asked. As she had a secular mindset, her book then looked at all the parenting differences she thought might create children who were equally helpful. I smiled to myself a bit as I immediately recognized what had happened in that home. The parents were raising the child with the heart of a servant.

Children with the heart of a servant think about how they can help their family and friends before they think about how they want to spend their time in leisure activities. When they see someone at work or struggling in some way, they jump in to help and make the load lighter. They are the helpers and encouragers in their worlds. They are a parent’s delight – even though they still make mistakes and sin.

So how do you raise children with servant hearts? It takes more intentionality, but in the end actually can mean less work because you aren’t having to do everything yourself or nag and punish to get the help you need. It can also mean a more peaceful home as your children focus on helping each other over protecting their “rights”. It can also make your kids stronger Christians as they understand that being a servant of The King (God) means obedience and not getting their own way.

Here are some of our top tips for raising kids with servant hearts.

Teach them what it means to be a servant in the biblical sense of the word. In our modern vernacular, slave is probably closer in meaning to the word often translated as servant in the Bible. Christians with servant hearts obey God’s commands – even if they don’t understand or agree with them. They understand God gets to make the rules and we get to obey them – because God knows what is best for us and by obeying Him we have the best possible life in a fallen world.
Let your children see your servant heart. If they see you consistently obey God, serve others and share your faith humbly, they have a great example to follow. If they understand why you “don’t look out only for your own interests, but the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-5), they may just follow your example.
Help them learn to see the needs around them – even the subtle or partially hidden ones. Raise kids who don’t have to be asked to help. Who see someone with a sad expression and ask how they can help. Who notice when someone drops all of their papers and help to pick them up without being asked. Often, like in the story of the Good Samaritan, it is easy to pretend we didn’t help because we never saw the need. Raise kids who see the need.
Teach them they don’t personally have to solve every problem they see, but they should at least try to find someone who can help. If you take first aid classes, the first thing they teach you to do is to look around, point to someone and tell them to call 911. If not, a huge crowd can be standing around watching the medical problem and no one calls 911. Teach your kids how to help when they can, but it’s just as important to teach them how to quickly and efficiently get other people helping, too. If not, they may burn out trying to solve every problem by themselves.
Teach them to think of others before themselves. This always gets a lot of push back in our culture. Our world believes we shouldn’t raise doormats who allow everyone to walk all over them. Or people pleasers who care about pleasing others more than taking care of their own basic needs. Thinking of others before yourself, however, is a command and not a suggestion. It should be a constant discussion of what it truly means – especially when looking at the life of Jesus. It’s not an easy command and we shouldn’t ignore it or pretend like how to live it is always obvious and easy.
Help your children be encouragers. We tend to breeze right by the scriptures commanding Christians to encourage one another. The world can be a tough place. Encouragers make it a little easier to hang in there and make good choices. Raise encouragers.
Teach your children to assume the best in others. I understand the importance of teaching kids how to be safe around strangers in a dangerous world. It’s a philosophy, however, that assumes the worst in others merely because some adults are dangerous to children. As they get older though, the attitude of assuming everyone is dangerous needs to be tempered a bit or they will never serve others and share their faith. It’s also important to teach them that when they feel offended by someone in some way to give that person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the teacher had a really rough morning and was a little more curt than normal – rather than the teacher hates me. Even if the teacher dislikes your child, coming at the conversation willing to assume the best rather than the worst can make discussions a bit less heated and easier.

While it may take some time before your children jump up to help you without asking or are kind to their siblings, it’s worth taking the time and effort to raise kids with servant hearts. Those are hearts God finds it easy to work with to do His Will.

Are You a “Get” or a “Give” Family?

In her book Generations, author Jean Twenge looked at an analysis of how many times the words “get” and “give” appeared in American books published each year. Before WWII “give” was more common than “get”. Over time, the top word varied from year to year, but the margin was always fairly close. Now? In 2010, the word “get” was twice as likely to appear in a book as the word “give”.

And that’s not the only sign of a growing selfishness in the world around us. Ask any non-profit or ministry and they will tell you that the vast majority of their donors are over the age of fifty. Like any problem, there are probably dozens of factors contributing to this growing selfish behavior. You may not be able to influence the world’s generosity, but you can impact that of your children.

God calls on His people over and over to be generous – not just in the amount they give, but in the percentage (the widow’s mite) of their income and most importantly having a generous, willing heart. That generous heart is best developed in childhood. One of the reasons we were pro allowance is that it provided a way for our daughter to give part of her “income” back to God.

We modeled giving and as a family we gave of our time and possessions as well as our money. We discussed why we couldn’t do some of the things other families were doing because of the needs someone else had that were more important. We didn’t force her to give up presents on her birthday in favor of charitable donations or dictate how much she gave. We did, however, have lots and lots of discussions about generous, sacrificial giving. We Meereen as intentional as possible about being a “give”family rather than a “get” family.

Not sure if you are a “get” or a “give” family? Ask yourself these questions.

Are there more conversations about buying things than giving things in your home?
What percentage of your income is given to church, ministries and charity? (There’s no rule, but “give”families usually donate much more than ten percent of their income.)
Are your children encouraged to give weekly to God? Even though many congregations have gone to online giving, most have a box somewhere where your children can place their cash donations. Make it a weekly habit if you really want to raise a giver.
Do you and your kids always have to have the latest and greatest or do you get as much as possible out of the things you own? Once again, everyone is different, but many givers try to keep a new car at least ten years and don’t continually replace other items meant for long term use.
Do you toss (or sell) outgrown clothes or items you don’t use any more or do you give them to someone who needs them? You may be able to give because you sell used items and that’s great! If you are selling or tossing without any thought to others, though, that can indicate an issue.
If someone had a desperate need for something you own, how hard would it be for you or your children to part with that item? Sometimes, it’s just not practical. You can’t give away the car your family needs to get to work. A gut check though is your initial reaction to a need someone has. Do you immediately start thinking about how you can protect your assets as much as possible and still be seen as helping or do you start trying to help even though it may be inconvenient to do so?

This is not a one time issue. “Give” families can become “get” families and visa versa. Have regular discussions about giving and generosity. Ask your kids which type of family you are and why. Raise givers and not getters.

14 Surprising Signs Your Child May Be Selfish

Spend five minutes out in public and you will probably witness multiple acts of selfishness. Wars and conflicts are often rooted in selfishness. Food insecurity, extreme poverty and other social problems take longer to resolve because money that could be used to help others is tied up in selfish ways by those who have more than enough things. And who can miss the thousands of references a day to the smaller problems caused by “entitled” people?

No one plans to raise a selfish child (at least I hope not), but many people do. The problem is we are often blinded to the selfishness in our own children. We can’t correct what we don’t notice and uncorrected selfishness eventually hardens in their hearts, creating adults who have more in common with pre-ghosts Ebeneezer Scrooge than Jesus.

So what are some perhaps surprising signs you are raising children who are becoming more selfish by the day?

Whine and complain a lot. Whining and complaining are rooted in disappointment that things aren’t going the way your children wanted them to go. It’s a selfish mindset that believes everything should always be exactly like they want it to be… or they will whine and complain in hopes of things being done their way.
Don’t say “please” and “thank you” without prompting. Every child needs periodic reminders, but if those words are rarely heard without prompting, there is a problem. Why “please”? Because the word expresses the understanding that they are not entitled to whatever they are asking of the other person. It’s a form of pre-gratitude.
Have difficulty sharing and taking turns. Very young children naturally struggle with this and must be taught and reminded. Once they are old enough to attend school, however, sharing and taking turns should come naturally.
Are poor losers when playing games. Poor losers are vocal about their assumption that they should always win everything.
Have long wish lists for birthdays and Christmas. If your children can rattle off a long list of things wanted the second they are asked for a gift suggestion, there may be a problem with selfishness.
Have trouble letting others be the center of attention. Let’s be honest. We all enjoy being the center of positive attention from time to time. If your child is clearly miffed when someone else is the center of attention (assuming your child gets enough healthy attention on a normal basis), there may be a problem with selfishness.
Have trouble celebrating with others when good things happen to them. It’s okay for your kids to hope that they too will one day win a free trip around the world, but that shouldn’t stop them from being super excited for the person who just did.
Melt down when told “no”. No one likes to hear the word, but your children should accept it most of the time. Asking to appeal your decision is one thing, but having an immediate meltdown every time is problematic.
When denied something, sneak or lie to get it anyway. This is a serious warning sign of selfishness – the inability to accept the denial of any whim and the willingness to sin to get what was desired.
Have a strong focus on money and/or things. Part of growing up is learning how to handle money in godly ways. That includes the idea of generosity. If the focus becomes on getting more money and spending the vast majority on oneself, then selfishness has overwhelmed generosity.
Shopping or window shopping IRL or online is a favorite past time. Your kids can’t want what they don’t know exists. Spending too much time in environments where things can be claimed as one’s own can create a desire for things your child doesn’t really need or under normal circumstances would even want.
Don’t seem to notice or care when their words or actions hurt others. There is a caveat to this one as some children with special needs struggle to notice the cues that someone is upset. Even they can be taught the cues, however, and change their behavior, apologize and make amends when they have hurt someone.
Are reluctant to take personal responsibility for the outcomes of their choices. If everything is always the fault of someone else, a selfish heart is quite probably a serious issue.
Make sure their needs and desires are met first before attempting to help or attend to others. This selfish trait is tricky, because on the surface it may look like they are helping others. Look more closely though and you will realize their needs and desires are met first and only then will they give their excess time, attention, money, etc. to others.

Our world is miserable because of the actions of selfish people. Don’t make things worse by raising more people who will operate from a position of selfishness. If your children consistently have the symptoms mentioned above, call it for what it is and take action to help them change their hearts. Otherwise, it won’t end well for them or anyone who is touched by their lives.