Encouragement – Parenting Like Hannah

Spiritual Disciplines for Your Kids

As a Christian parent, you may or may not have heard of the concept of spiritual disciplines. Periodically, it gets some focused attention in various circles, but doesn’t seem as popular as it may have been in the past. For those of you new to spiritual disciplines, they are practices Christians have participated in since the beginning of Christianity. Many Christians believe these disciplines will help them become more like Jesus and more pleasing to God. The lists vary from person to person, but they all have in common things that are commanded or modeled in scripture, like prayer and Bible study. While the term “spiritual disciplines” is not found in the Bible, the individual practices on most lists are found in scripture.

The problem with these disciplines is that they don’t always come naturally. At least not doing them consistently and constantly. Perhaps it is because often Christians don’t try to start making them habits until they are adults. What if we spent more time helping our children develop these disciplines when they are young? Would they be able to be more consistent and benefit spiritually from doing these things regularly?

Part of the problem I would imagine many parents would have is that most of these disciplines sound very adult in nature. I believe, however, that they can be tweaked in such a way that they are appropriate for even very young children and can help them develop healthy spiritual habits while it is still relatively easy.

Over the next few weeks, we will spend one post a week going into more depth about specific disciplines and how to get your children started in participating in them. (Our other post each week will feature other topics, tips and activity ideas.) For now, here is the list we will be using,

Prayer
Bible study, including reading, memorizing and meditation.
Fasting
Worship
Service
Fellowship
Solitude
Confession
Giving
Hospitality
Simplicity
Reflection
Stewardship
Evangelism
Gratitude

As you look at this list, in which spiritual disciplines do you personally participate in consistently? With which do you struggle? How could these disciplines help your own spiritual growth and health? That of your children? Join us next week as we begin taking a closer look at individual disciplines and adapting them for children and teens.

Moms Have Feelings Too

I’m not sure why, but often the sweetest, most nurturing moms in the world have children who treat them in a callous manner. Ironically, these young people are usually kind to everyone else, but typically they take out all of their anger at their world on their mother.

I get it. It’s wonderful that your kids feel safe enough to release all of those pent up negative emotions on you. But there are ways for them to do that without crushing your feelings in the process.

Even very tiny children can understand, “That hurt Mommy!”. You don’t have to be harsh or lecture. Just let them know firmly, but kindly that you also have feelings that can be hurt and it’s not okay for them to say hurtful and mean things to you.

Teach them healthier ways of venting their emotions. They can cry, hit a punching bag, go for a run, paint a painting, talk about what’s happening and how they feel – there are lots of things they can do to release negative emotions instead of taking it out on you.

Moms take a lot of emotional hits in parenting. Many do it without a spouse sharing the emotional load, even if they are present. Some of those you can’t really avoid. But you don’t have to allow your kids to make you an emotional punching bag. If nothing else, remember that how you allow them to treat you may very well end up being how they treat their roommates and eventual spouse.

Be supportive of your children. Listen to them. Nurture them. Just don’t let them unleash their verbal ire onto you.

Surprising Questions to Indicate the Health of Your Family

As part of the studies I am undertaking for my Masters in Social Work, we are learning a lot about family counseling. Our readings often contain questions they suggest we ask families to get a better indication of the health of the families with whom we are working. There are not right or wrong answers per se, but the answers can point to strengths or weaknesses in a family’s functioning.

These questions are taken from a variety of sources, but would be interesting to discuss as a family.

Do you eat individually or as a family?
What do you usually talk about when eating?
Who does most of the talking?
What adjective would you use to describe your family meals?
If you could change your family in one way, what would it be?
What is happening when you have the most conflict? What is happening when you have the least conflict? (Context – everyone is tired, Grandma is here, etc.)
How well do you know your neighbors?
Are outsiders giving to your family financial, spiritual or emotional support? Do you give back to your community/church/neighborhood?
What are the strengths of your family?
What would Jesus say to your family if he had dinner with you?
How easy is it to tell each other hard, scary or emotional things?
What roles do family members play within the family?
Who is in your family’s support network?
What does your family believe about God, Jesus, the Bible, Christianity, the Church, God’s commands?
Have each person tell a family story that they believe best illustrates your family dynamic.
How does our family solve problems?
What types of non-verbal communication does each family member use to let your know he or she is getting upset or angry?
Is your family more controlled or spontaneous?
How does your family handle conflict?
How does your family motivate its members to learn, grow or improve?

Did family members feel safe in answering the questions truthfully? Did different members of your family have different answers to the same question? Were they wildly different? How do you feel about the answers given to each question? What strengths do they reveal that you can build upon? What weaknesses do they reveal that need to be corrected or improved?

Healthy families take work. Everyone thinks their family is “normal”, but even if that is true, it doesn’t mean your family doesn’t have room to grow and improve. Pull out these questions periodically for quick checks or find new ones to dig even deeper. Having a healthy family will make it easier for your kids to obey God and eventually create their own Christian families.

5 Signs You May Be Putting Your Family Before God

The Bible makes it really clear. Anything we put before God is an idol we are worshipping. At Parenting Like Hannah, we spend a lot of time encouraging families to spend more time together so parents can raise up children to be strong, faithful, productive Christians as adults.

There is an alarming new trend in Christian families, however, that we need to start talking about in our homes and churches. Some families (at least verbally) are beginning to prioritize their families over God. They are making decisions that are communicating to children that God is to be worshipped, followed and obeyed only after the family and its members have all of their needs and desires met.

Not sure if that describes your family? It can be a fine line between recognizing the importance of Christian parenting and making your family an idol, but here are some warning signs that may be what is happening in your home.

You miss worship or Bible classes and use your family as an excuse. Kids get sick. Emergencies happen. If you are regularly skipping worship or Bible classes for family time or to support a family member in a secular activity, you are probably prioritizing your family’s wants over spending time worshipping and learning about God and fellowshipping with other Christians – all of which are commanded by God.
Your family doesn’t serve others, but spends your time at secular activities or hanging out at home. If your family isn’t serving others, you are more likely to move into the selfish space of your needs and desires being more important than obeying God.
Your family isn’t hospitable. It’s rarely discussed, but hospitality is actually commanded by God. It doesn’t have to be fancy and can include having over family and friends, but if your family uses family time as an excuse to never host anyone, it can be problematic.
Your money is spent on things for your family instead of giving to God and helping others. Sacrifices are rarely, if ever, made to give to God or others. The Bible talks about sacrificial giving. It’s good for your kids to learn they need to wait for Christmas for their new expensive toy so you can give your church money for missions or to help a child who doesn’t have school supplies.
You use the need for family time or attending your kids’ activities as a regular excuse for not getting involved in your church. God wants for your family to be actively engaged with your congregation. The early Christians spent lots of time together because it was beneficial for their faith and the faith of their children. If you just run in and out of worship without engaging or getting involved, you may have made God just another item on your to-do list instead of a top priority.

Where do you stand when you think about these questions? Have you accidentally made your family an idol? It’s never too late to make changes and put God first again. Check in with your family periodically and discuss these questions, because it can be easy to put family or something or someone else before God. Make sure your family puts God firmly in first place.

Should Christian Parents Serve Their Children?

The other day I saw a cartoon on social media of a parent in a butler’s outfit bringing their child’s lunch to school on a silver platter. The caption accused parents of being their children’s butlers instead of their parents. You may be nodding your head in agreement for a variety of reasons, but as Christians this topic is a little more complex than it may seem on the surface.

People often think that Christianity is about the extremes, but the reality is that often Christianity requires balancing multiple commands and principles that at first glance may seem in contradiction or conflict. Doing that well is important for successful Christian parenting.

So what are the conflicting biblical commands or principles regarding serving your children? The two obvious ones are the commands to serve others and the command to “work as if working for the Lord”. If you constantly serve your children – never making them do anything for themselves – they will probably grow up and have a really difficult time having a godly work ethic. Why? Because habits begun in childhood are often the most difficult to break.

On the other hand, if your child has a chore to walk the dog and is overwhelmed with homework one night…. If you force him or her to complete the chore, he or she may do it, but it just adds to the already overwhelming stress. On the other hand, this is a wonderful way to model a servant heart for your child and offer to walk the dog “just this once” so your child can focus on the homework.

One of the five love languages is performing acts of service for the other person. Your children need you to serve them at times in order to feel truly loved. On the other hand, they don’t need to live a life of leisure where their only work is schoolwork and activities. That’s not an accurate reflection of what adult life is and will set them up for major shock and issues in several areas when they are independent.

So serve your children. Just don’t become their servants. It’s not good for either one of you or your relationship.