Character Training – Page 6 – Parenting Like Hannah

Are You Raising Virtuous Children?

A large part of living the Christian life is having godly character traits. The New Testament has several lists of traits that God wants your children to have as well as some God does not want them to exhibit. There is one trait listed that is a word I doubt many of us use regularly or for which we could give a solid definition – virtue. 2 Peter 1:5a reads, “supplement your faith with virtue”. What is virtue and how can we instill it in our children?

Looking at the dictionary definition of virtue/virtuous helps, but still doesn’t make it crystal clear from a parenting standpoint. Webster defines virtue as “moral excellence, value, merit, worth, integrity of character, purity of soul, performance of duty, energy, strength, temperance (self control), service/charity and chastity”. That’s a lot to unpack! It’s almost as if Peter were trying to package every character trait mentioned in the New Testament into one word – virtue.

Although he is in theory promoting stoicism (true stoicism has some aspects in common with Christianity – mainly valuing some similar character traits), author Ryan Holiday in his book, Discipline is Destiny, does a great job in breaking the idea of virtue into an organized list of character traits. He believes virtue is composed of character traits that fall into one of four categories that are consistent in many religions – courage/fortitude (we would probably say perseverance)/sacrifice, self control/moderation/balance, justice/service/fellowship/goodness/kindness and wisdom/knowledge/truth/peace. Notice that the words in each category aren’t necessarily synonyms, but paint a clearer picture of that particular category of virtue. (Note: It’s important to remember that anyone can stumble across one or more of God’s Truths without believing in or obeying God. This inclusion of some Truth does not mean their religion or philosophy is Truth as a whole.)

The problem is that the world around us no longer values virtue. It sees many, if not most, of these traits as archaic, stifling and oppressive. Yet the opposite is true. Living a life of virtue as a Christian ultimately means not only obeying God’s commands but also shaping our character to be more like His image. It may not always be fun, but it provides the richest, most fulfilling – and I would argue – most joyful life possible in this fallen world.

Your children aren’t born virtuous, nor will they become it over night. Becoming virtuous requires hard work and can only be truly reached with the help of God. Those who don’t value virtue will try to convince your children that the process is perfectionism at its worst and will ultimately destroy them. Or that it will take all of the fun out of life. Or that by striving to be virtuous, thy are attempting to earn their way into Heaven (Sadly, those who call themselves Christians can at times discourage others from living a virtuous life). As your children get older, pursuing godly Christian virtue may cost them friends and romantic relationships. They won’t make it if you don’t instill in them an almost stubborn desire to become who God created them to be – His virtuous servant.

Should you be raising virtuous children? Absolutely! The world will be a better place if you succeed.

Are Your Kids Creating Jesus In Their Image?

How many times have you heard someone in a discussion involving religion use the words “I think…”, as in “I think Jesus would agree with my personal feelings on” the topic at hand? We probably all do it to some extent, but it’s more common in young people who don’t yet have the biblical knowledge and understanding to actually attempt to make accurate statements about what Jesus would or wouldn’t do, say or think.

Our culture has painted Jesus as going through the world as the epitome of love. While that is accurate, the love that Jesus gave wasn’t always warm and fuzzy. Sometimes that love was tough love – calling out sins and sinful attitudes when they were evident. Telling people they had to obey God’s commands and couldn’t always do what they wanted to do – even if it felt right. Calling people to not just avoid doing unto others what they wouldn’t want done to them, but to go the extra mile and do things they would want done to them. Jesus called people to sacrificial, humble, obedient, service filled life. The world’s Jesus just calls people to be nice.

Your children will have lots of opportunities in life to form and share their opinions about Jesus. It is important those accurately reflect the real Jesus and not the Jesus your kids may want him to be. Often the real Jesus disappears most quickly when your kids are tempted to justify a favored sin and replaced with a Jesus who would want them to be happy – because of course that’s what love is.

There is a strategy to teach your children to help them avoid creating Jesus in their image. Don’t just teach this to them, but help them practice it whenever they start talking about what Jesus would or wouldn’t do, say or think.

Impress upon them the role of the Bible as ultimate fact checker. It doesn’t matter how wonderful or logical something sounds, if the Bible contradicts it, then it must be rejected as false. Of course, it is much easier for your children to use the Bible as their fact checker if they are already very familiar with its contents. Ignorance of scripture is a major contributing factor to creating Jesus in our own image.
What is the evidence for the statement in the Bible? As dangerous as cherry picking scriptures can be, it’s usually how people just learning to use the Bible as their guide operate. It’s just more practical to use a concordance or other aid to quickly find scriptures that may be applicable to the topic than try to read through the entire Bible every time you have a question. Encourage them, however, to at least read a verse or two before and after the passage to make sure it isn’t taken totally out of context… like perhaps someone saying God says to not do something right before the passage that read without that verse may make it seem like we should do that very thing. It won’t help with things like the bad advice Job’s friends gave him that isn’t revealed as really bad advice until chapters later, but it will catch a lot of them.
What is the evidence against the statement in the Bible? Are their verses that contradict what is being said that can be found in scripture? If it seems like the evidence from the previous question and this one seem to contradict each other as well, teach them good ways to dig a little deeper, like asking a Bible class teacher, minister, elder or you to help them understand what is happening. Often, the problem goes back to context or the Old Law versus the New Law. As you help them, teach them what you did to learn and understand the tools you are using to help explain the answer to them.
Are there real life examples in the Bible? Let’s say, for example, your child is trying to discover whether or not it is okay to tell half truths. There are a lot of verses about how God hates lies, but your child still thinks there is some wiggle room. The real life example of Ananias and Sapphira in the Bible makes it abundantly clear that half truths are not acceptable to God. (Note: There are a few cases of what would normally be sin portrayed as acceptable to God, but those are extremely rare and have special circumstances attached.)
What real life examples can they find that show some of the possible consequences of making the choice one way or the other? This one is a bit trickier and definitely is for more mature kids with your guidance. (Satan makes sure there are plenty of examples of people who sin and seem to get by with it.) What you want to teach them to do is to look for the possible negative consequences of making what appears to be a choice that goes against scripture, but still sounds appealing to them. It’s a sort of aversion therapy if you will. So let’s say, they think Jesus would be okay with them getting drunk after a bad week in order to blow off steam. From the previous questions, it looks like Jesus would not want them to do it, but they are still insisting Jesus “would understand” and condone it. So encourage them to look up all of the negative consequences that are possible or likely from binge drinking/getting drunk. In the case of most sins, the actual evidence – especially found in academic research – strongly backs God’s wisdom. Of course, Satan makes sure there will usually be some perceived benefits too – which is why your guidance is needed. For example in our alcohol example, some studies show a slight heart benefit. Pointing out that grape juice, exercise and diet can provide similar or greater benefits without all of the negative side effects is something usually an adult with a little more knowledge, life experience and wisdom can provide.

This method is not always full proof. Young people who are determined to rebel against God won’t care what the Bible says or what the possible negative earthly or heavenly consequences may be. But for the majority of children who are taught how to use this technique from a very young age and who have a heart that still wants to please God, these steps can lessen the likelihood they will begin creating Jesus in their image instead of attempting to become more like Jesus themselves.

Fun Family Self Reliance Activity

Over the years, there has been an assumption that historical American values and Christian values are interchangeable. In many cases – like honesty – this may be true. There is one historically American value – self reliance – that isn’t one hundred percent Christian. While you don’t want your children to expect others to do everything for them – especially things they should be doing for themselves – there is much about self reliance that isn’t biblical at all.

Why? Because part of the foundation of Christianity is an acknowledgment that we can’t do it all ourselves. That we need God for forgiveness and to be able to spend eternity in Heaven. God also created the church to work as a body – together – to support one another and hold each other accountable for obedience to God’s commands and to work together – pooling their gifts to serve others and share their faith.

In our increasingly isolated, digital world, it can become easy for your children to grow up believing that they don’t need anyone in their lives. That the perfect virtual worlds they can create are better than the annoyances that come with interacting with real people. That they can please God as a Christian by watching services online and giving money virtually – no human interaction necessary.

There is a fun family devotional you can do to show your kids the importance of being involved as part of the Christian “team” and serving and sharing their faith with others IRL (in real life). Start by reading 1 Corinthians 12 to your family. Ask them what it means and why they believe Paul wrote it to the Corinthians. What was he encouraging them to do? Why? What are some reasons we are tempted to avoid interaction with other Christians? With people who need to be served and learn about God? Why does God expect us to do both? What are the advantages to being in a church family who obeys 1 Corinthians 12? What would it look like? What part of the body (their gifts, talents and opportunities) do they think they might be in your church now? In the congregation they attend as adults in the future?

To underscore how the Christian life is better lived in community, participate in one or more of these activities as a family. How did working together make it easier to succeed? What happened when someone didn’t carry their weight? How much harder, lonelier, etc. would the activity have been if done alone?

Escape room. Check first to make sure the theme and activities are a match for your family. These are hard enough as a team and impossible if attempted alone.
City scavenger hunt. You can often find these online. They involve going to an unfamiliar town or part of town and finding objects. Geo caching is similar and works well when everyone helps.
Service project. Find one large enough that everyone in your family has to help to pull it off. We have tons of ideas for service projects on our website. Just click on the service tab to be taken to the list of service projects. http://teachonereachone.org/activity-ideas/
Odyssey of the Mind Activities. Search online for free ideas. Look for activities that requiring the group to work together to solve a problem building something in a short amount of time. Most require lots of little things you probably have around your house.
Cooking as a body. Find a recipe to cook together as a family. The twist is that each member can only be one body part. For example, Dad is the left arm, daughter the right arm, son the legs, mom the eyes, etc. So to get eggs out of the fridge will require two or three people to work together. The same with stirring (hand holding bowl so it doesn’t spin off the counter!) and other parts of cooking. You can also do this with any activity that requires using multiple body parts to complete it.

Have fun with it. Revisit the topic multiple times until you are confident your kids understand when self reliance is good and when they need to be in community or rely upon God.

Fun Family Activity Exploring Scarcity & Abundance Mindsets

If the devil is truly the father of lies as Jesus taught (John 8:44), one of his favorites is the scarcity mindset. A scarcity mindset is a belief that every possible resource – including things like love – is limited and therefore when some of a resource is given to someone else, there is less for you. As with all of Satan’s lies, there is a bit of truth to hook us. If you have one apple pie and give someone a slice, there is definitely less of that pie for everyone else to eat.

What the scarcity mindset ignores is that there are often infinite resources we just can’t see at the moment. There are other apple pies that can be baked or purchased. A mother’s love is infinite and can expand to love dozens of children equally. Unfortunately, a scarcity mindset leads to selfishness, jealousy, envy, stress, short term versus long term thinking and problem solving, power struggles, cheating, lying, theft and a host of other problems and sins. As we learn from Cain and Abel, in its extreme a scarcity mindset can even lead to murder (and war).

There is a fun family devotional you can do with your children to begin shifting them from a scarcity to an abundance mindset. Start by sharing the story of Elisha feeding the hundred in 2 Kings 4:38-44. You may have never heard or forgotten about this story yourself. Note the similarities to Jesus feeding the 5000 and 4000 later in time. Introduce the idea of a scarcity mindset…. that 20 loaves are not enough to feed a 100 men or 5 loaves and two fish enough to feed 5000. Yet, with God anything is possible. Ask your children what would have happened if any of the people involved in the stories had possessed a scarcity mindset. Would they have shared the little food they had? Why not? What might have happened if they didn’t share their food?

Now your children might point out that in those cases God created a miracle so there was an abundance of food. How can they be sure that when they share or have an abundance mindset, that there will be enough for them? For a fun activity, re-enact the story of Stone Soup. This can be a really fun activity for several families to do together or you can set up each member of your family to be an entity in the story.

The gist of the story is that during a famine each family in the village just had one item left in their home to eat and it wasn’t enough. One potato, one carrot, etc. Someone had the idea that if they pooled all of their items and added lots of water they would have a soup that would feed them all for several meals (the actual story involved tricking everyone so it isn’t necessary to actually tell the story, just reenact the sharing and pooling of resources aspect). Without sharing and pooling their resources they wouldn’t have enough for even one meal for their family. You can do it with soup, but it can also work with any recipe where each family or person just has one ingredient and can’t make the desired finished product without the help of everyone else.

While you are eating, ask your children how a scarcity mindset would have meant their project failed while an abundance mindset made it successful. Ask them to think of other real life examples. Then discuss examples of things we believe are in short supply – like love and friendship – but which can actually expand and give many people more than enough. For older children and teens, you may also want to explore the idea of sacrificial giving – sharing something even though it may mean you actually do have less for yourself – and how God feels about that.

If you want to extend the activity, find things your family can share with an abundance mindset. This is one of those discussions you want to continue having over the years to encourage generosity in your children.

Fun Family Devotional On Fruitfulness

One of the more odd stories from the time Jesus spent on Earth is found in Matthew 21:18-22 and Mark 11:12-25. It seems strange, doesn’t it, that Jesus would destroy a tree for not bearing fruit when it wasn’t even the correct season for it! Yet when you connect the story to what happened immediately after it in the text, it becomes a little more clear. Jesus and God expect those serving them to bear fruit and there will be consequences for failing to produce any. It’s a similar lesson to that found in the Parables of the Talents and Minas and in other scriptures in the New Testament.

So what does it mean to bear fruit and why is it important that your children understand the importance of bearing fruit as Christians? There’s a fun family devotional you can have to start the conversation. Before the devotional, purchase some fruit at the grocery store. Pick one or two that are favorites and then perhaps one or two that are new to your children.

Read your children the two parables. Explain that often the first four books, the Gospels, tell the same or very similar stories – either from a different point of view to reach a different audience of readers – or perhaps because Jesus did or said similar things more than once during his ministry. Ask your children why they believe Jesus destroyed the fig tree. Explain that when stories like this are in the Bible, God wants us to learn something from them. What do they think they are supposed to learn from these parables?

Point out that right after the parable in Mark, Jesus cleansed the Temple. What might be the connection? Jesus was angry at the Priests for taking advantage of the people and trying to make a lot of money, rather than ministering to the people which was supposed to be the fruit they were bearing. The fig tree was to teach the apostles an important lesson that could help them better understand – and later teach – what was about to happen at the Temple.

Read Matthew 28:18-20. Explain that some Christians are confused. They think that being a Christian is only about avoiding sin. In reality, it is also about producing fruit in the Kingdom. Ask them what clues these verses give us about the types of fruit we are supposed to bear. Read Galatians 5:22-23. Explain that these are more types of fruit Christians should bear. These particular ones let others know we have the Holy Spirit within us (Note: You may need to explain this concept to your children. The indwelling of the Holy Spirit is given to us when we become Christians during our immersion in baptism. It does not feel scary to have the Holy Spirit in us, but rather the Holy Spirit is a helper God gives Christians to help them make good choices.)

Ask your children why they think Jesus got so angry when the tree and the priests didn’t produce fruit. Explain that God will also be angry with Christians when they don’t produce any of the fruit that you have studied in the verses you read. Sitting in church or even calling yourself a Christian means little if we don’t produce fruit. Works don’t help us earn our way to Heaven, but is rather the expectation of God from people He has already saved and a fulfillment of our faith. Read James 2:17-26 and ask your children to explain what it means in their own words.

Bring out the fruits you purchased. As you are eating them, Google to find out how they are grown and what happens to the fruit trees that don’t produce fruit after interventions. Orchards can’t afford for space to be taken up by unproductive trees. If a tree has no hope of producing fruit again, it will be destroyed and a new tree planted in its place. End your time by explaining God has much He wants Christians to do on Earth. He needs us to be productive so the work can all be done. Brainstorm some ways your family can produce fruit for God now.