Today’s children and teens are struggling. Their resilience is almost non-existent. Suicides are on the rise – even amongst elementary aged children. Teens and even older children often turn to alcohol, drugs or other unhealthy and/or ungodly ways to try and cope with stress and their negative emotions.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Young people turn to poor coping strategies because no one has taught them healthier, more godly and more effective ways of coping. Taking the time to teach and practice these techniques gives your children better options. They can also teach them to their friends to help them avoid the negative consequences of poor coping strategies.
Here are some of our favorites that are easy to teach even young children.
- Prayer and scripture. Show your children the Psalms. Point out some that have the background of the Psalm written before it. Review the stories and how people like David must have felt when writing it. Assure them that God wants them to talk to Him about everything. Teach them He listens – even if the answer to their prayer is “no”. Explain that since God knows things we don’t, we have to trust that He is doing what is best for us. Encourage them to read Psalms and pray when they are stressed or feeling other strong emotions. Teach them how to find other passages in scripture that might help them.
- Exercise. Did you know that for many people exercise works as good or better than medication? Never take someone off of their medications without a doctor’s supervision, but do encourage your kids to exercise when they are stressed. They need both strenuous exercise and more relaxing types like walking and stretching. Daily 30-60 minute exercise sessions will help them stay more emotionally balanced.
- Arts and crafts. Lay people can’t use art therapy activities to diagnose or treat anyone, but they can do them to help young people express what they are feeling. Make a corner of your home a place where they have art supplies and room to create. You can give them general ideas of projects they can choose, but the more freedom you give them – the better. Just remember to avoid assuming what a resulting work of art means. (Don’t be too worried about disturbing images they produce, unless they don’t get better over time, in which case a doctor should be consulted.) Ask them to share about it, but don’t pressure them if they don’t want to talk about it.
- Music. Studies have found high energy (happy) music quickly elevates mood and energy levels in most people. Soothing music and pink noise (nature sounds) can aid relaxation and improve sleep. Talk to your kids about the music to which they listen. Ask them how they believe it impacts their mood and energy level. Encourage them to restrict their listening for a time to music that helps them.
- Breathing and math. Panic attacks result from a quickened heart rate and quicker, more shallow breaths. Teach your kids to take in a deep breath for a count of theee and let it out for a count of three. You may need to count at first so they don’t count too quickly. Older kids and teens may want to hold that breath in for a count of three before releasing it for an additional calming effect. And math? It’s difficult for your mind to be in panic mode and do math at the same time. It doesn’t have to be hard. Counting backwards from 100 by threes or doing the multiplication tables work well for many.
- Sleep. Everything seems worse when we are tired. Teach your kids to try and get a good night’s sleep during tough times. They may need to cry, pray and listen to pink noise to quiet their minds enough to sleep well, but reassure them it’s better than taking a ”sleep aid”. A long (preferably a couple of miles) walk two or three hours before bed can also make it easier to sleep.
Teach your kids these techniques and encourage them to use them when they are stressed. Remind them that poor coping strategies can add to the problems they already have. If your child seems stuck in a negative mood for more than a week or two, seek professional help. For most young people though, these strategies will do the trick.