Character Training – Page 107 – Parenting Like Hannah

The Myth of the Compliant Child

When my daughter was an infant, I was talking with a very wise older mother. As I shared our plan to establish firm, consistent limits, she had a warning for me. “Don’t be surprised,” she said “when your child is obedient, everyone will tell you that you are so lucky to have given birth to a child who is so compliant.”

Boy, was she ever right! Our daughter is blessed with double stubborn genes. Everyone on both sides of her family could easily hold their breath until they turn blue. Yet, to this day (she’s 17 years old and in college now) I still have people commenting how lucky I was for God to have given me such a compliant, “easy” child.

If you are a young parent, I want to share something very important with you. No healthy child is “born” compliant. Yes, some may have naturally sweeter dispositions than others, but every child I have ever met (with the exception a very ill child) has a nice healthy stubborn/selfish streak.

I understand some children have developmental and health issues that make it more difficult for them to obey. I have a friend who has two children who are about as AD/HD as a child can possibly be. As young children, they really struggled with obedience – partially because it required them to pay attention to instructions and tasks – something that was almost impossible for them.

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Fun Ways to Teach Kids Obedience

Fun Ways to Teach Kids Obedience - Parenting Like Hannah We thought we were such wonderful parents as the “terrible two’s” passed in our house with only a whimper. That is until the “awful three’s” hit us with a vengeance. We were determined to follow the best parenting advice we could find and remain firm and consistent in our discipline. It wasn’t so bad the first couple of weeks, but when the weeks dragged on into months, I was getting weary.

It seemed like my conversations with our daughter were beginning to sound like I was a parrot – squawking “no,no” and “don’t touch” over and over again. I knew the training was imperative (It really is true. After this period we only had minor episodes for the rest of her childhood. We haven’t had to give consequences to our now delightful seventeen year old college student in literally years.), but I was tired of the negative tone our house was beginning to have on some days.

I stumbled upon the idea of teaching obedience in positive ways as well as using correction and consequences. Why not help your children understand the importance of obeying? If they can grasp the concept, obeying your rules and ultimately God’s rules will be so much easier.

There are actually quite a few fun ways to begin to teach your child why it is so very important they obey you – the first time you give a command – and do exactly what you tell them to do it. Here are a few of my favorites:

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Teaching Empathy to Young Children

Teaching Empathy to Young Children - Parenting Like Hannah Empathy is often thought of as the ability to imagine life from the perspective of someone else. Yet for a Christian, empathy needs to be so much more. You see, the Bible tells us over and over again not to just imagine what life is like for others, but to do what we can to reflect God’s love to them, serve them and point them towards God.

The earlier children are exposed to the ideas of empathy and serving, the easier it is for those ideas to become a part of the very fabric of who they are. Parents often begin the process of teaching empathy quite naturally. You have probably told your young child to “be gentle” because if they are not it hurts the other person. Or you may have told him not to “be mean” and hurt another child’s feelings.

What can you do for more complex ideas? How can you explain autism or Alzheimer’s to a very young child? How can they understand what life is like for a little person or someone whose home was destroyed in a fire? For very young children, the answer can often start with a picture book.

Picture books are great ways to begin to introduce complex ideas. The words are simple and the pages are filled with pictures that help your child visualize what is happening in the story more accurately. (I am in the process of creating a list of empathy building picture books, but I will give you a few I have found so far at the end of this post.)

Once you have read the book together, talk about what happened. How did the people in the story feel? What makes your child think they felt that way? Why did each person feel the way they did? Did some people change during the story? How?

If your child is more mature, you may start introducing the idea of what they might feel like if they were that person. What would their day be like? Would they interact with their friends differently than they do now? What challenges would they face? What would make them happy?

Once your child has practiced with picture books, introduce the stories in the Bible as empathy building stories. How do your children think the lepers felt? What was it like to be the lame man by the Pool of Bethesda? Why did Namaan act the way he did? How did Jesus or the people of the day treat the people who were struggling with something?

Once you have read and discussed a book or Bible story, you are ready to begin tackling the second part of empathy – acting on the knowledge your child now has. Do you know someone who has the same issues as the person in the book? Is there an organization that serves the people in the book? Does your church help people with similar issues? Find a way, to meet someone like the person in the book you read and discover a way you and your child can make a positive difference in his life.

If the person asks you why you want to meet her and why you want to help, share how you want your child to learn how to reflect God’s love accurately to everyone. You may be surprised to learn the people you have come to help also have a lot to teach you and your child about love.

Want to start the picture book empathy project? Here are a few books I found that you and your child might enjoy:

My Brother Charlie – autism

Great-Uncle Alfred Forgets – Alzheimer’s

Alex Is My Friend – little people

Rainbow Joe And Me Rainbow Joe And Me – blindness

A Chair for My Mother 25th Anniversary Edition (Reading Rainbow Books) – fire victims

Brothers in Hope: The Story of the Lost Boys of Sudan – Lost Boys of Sudan

If you have found other picture books you and your children have enjoyed and which helped them develop empathy, I would love for you to leave a comment with the name of the book and the author. It may help others create an empathy library.

Parenting and the Excuse Whisperer

Parenting and the Excuse Whisperer - Parenting Like Hannah Have you ever met a person who is trying to break a bad habit? Many times they have attempted more than once – usually with minimal success. If you talk to them long enough, you will often hear a lot of excuses for why they can’t break the habit they know is only harming them.

Excuses go all the way back to the beginning and the Garden of Eden. When God asked Adam and Eve about what they had done, the excuses started flying. They sounded a lot like what you may have heard many times in your own home – “She made me do it”. “It was his fault”. The source of ideas for all of those excuses was Satan – the great excuse whisperer.

There are two problems with excuses and parenting. The first I hope is obvious. All of those excuses we have for not parenting our children the way we know God would want us to do come from the same source as Adam and Eve’s excuses. We are often more willing to listen to Satan’s lies than God’s truths. Why? Because Satan knows how to push our buttons and make us think the wrong way is easier, more popular or “smarter”.

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