Author: Thereasa Winnett

Thereasa Winnett is the founder of Teach One Reach One and blogger at Parenting Like Hannah. She holds a BA in education from the College of William and Mary. She has served in all areas of ministry to children and teens for more than thirty years and regularly leads workshops for ministries and churches. She has conducted numerous workshops, including sessions at Points of Light’s National Conference on Volunteering and Service, the National Urban Ministry Conference, Pepperdine Bible Lectures, and Lipscomb’s Summer Celebration. Thereasa lives in Atlanta, GA with her husband Greg, where she enjoys reading, knitting, traveling and cooking.

Making Time to Really Listen to Your Kids

One of the things I have noticed in my work with children and teens over the last couple of decades is that they are starving for someone to really listen to them. Their heart’s desire is to be heard and understood. Their preference is that this attention come from their parents, but when it doesn’t, they will talk to literally anyone who will listen – including predators.

When was the last time you really had a meaningful conversation with your children? How often do you postpone talking to them when they come to you? How often do you ask them to be quiet? How often are you only half listening to them while you are on a device or thinking about something else?

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that a second grader’s friendship drama or a twelve year old’s locker room conversations rehashing is not that important. After all, it doesn’t involve mortgages, jobs or a health crisis. But life is often about personal perspective. To your second grader going through her first spat with her friends, it feels devastating. To your twelve year old who is concerned about what he is hearing from peers in the locker room, the confusion can cause great angst.

Your kids need a safe space to talk through their experiences and their thoughts and emotions about them. They need you to listen intently until they have nothing left they need to say. They need your help in figuring out the things they can’t understand or developing an action plan when they don’t know what to do. And they need this in varying degrees from you on a daily basis.

If your life is super hectic, try setting up rituals for listening. This will let them know that at a certain time each day, you will stop everything and give them your full attention. Maybe it’s while they are eating an afternoon snack or at dinner. Take a walk together before dinner. Perhaps a period of time before bedtime is set aside for deconstructing their day. Maybe you spend thirty minutes a child reading to them, snuggling and listening. The ritual doesn’t matter as much as the consistency. They have to be able to depend upon that time each day.

There will still be emergency situations (at least to them) when they need you to listen in the moment). I highly encourage you to stop everything and make time to listen if at all possible. Missing these opportunities when presented can lead to your children refusing to share with you in the future. Most days, however, your listening time will give them the opportunity to tell you everything they want to share.

It’s important to know that some children will chaff at a schedule. You probably already know if you have a child like this. In those cases, encourage the child to help you figure out a way for you to listen to him or her daily. Participating in creating the ritual and schedule will make it more palatable.

Make time to listen to each of your kids every day. Let the advice they need come from you so they know what God wants them to do. Don’t ignore their need for an adult to listen to them. It makes them vulnerable to all sorts of potential issues and possible harm.

Spiritual Disciplines for Your Kids

As a Christian parent, you may or may not have heard of the concept of spiritual disciplines. Periodically, it gets some focused attention in various circles, but doesn’t seem as popular as it may have been in the past. For those of you new to spiritual disciplines, they are practices Christians have participated in since the beginning of Christianity. Many Christians believe these disciplines will help them become more like Jesus and more pleasing to God. The lists vary from person to person, but they all have in common things that are commanded or modeled in scripture, like prayer and Bible study. While the term “spiritual disciplines” is not found in the Bible, the individual practices on most lists are found in scripture.

The problem with these disciplines is that they don’t always come naturally. At least not doing them consistently and constantly. Perhaps it is because often Christians don’t try to start making them habits until they are adults. What if we spent more time helping our children develop these disciplines when they are young? Would they be able to be more consistent and benefit spiritually from doing these things regularly?

Part of the problem I would imagine many parents would have is that most of these disciplines sound very adult in nature. I believe, however, that they can be tweaked in such a way that they are appropriate for even very young children and can help them develop healthy spiritual habits while it is still relatively easy.

Over the next few weeks, we will spend one post a week going into more depth about specific disciplines and how to get your children started in participating in them. (Our other post each week will feature other topics, tips and activity ideas.) For now, here is the list we will be using,

  1. Prayer
  2. Bible study, including reading, memorizing and meditation.
  3. Fasting
  4. Worship
  5. Service
  6. Fellowship
  7. Solitude
  8. Confession
  9. Giving
  10. Hospitality
  11. Simplicity
  12. Reflection
  13. Stewardship
  14. Evangelism
  15. Gratitude

As you look at this list, in which spiritual disciplines do you personally participate in consistently? With which do you struggle? How could these disciplines help your own spiritual growth and health? That of your children? Join us next week as we begin taking a closer look at individual disciplines and adapting them for children and teens.

10 Fun Winter Service Projects for Families

Let’s be honest. Winter can be depressing. One of the ways to get your family out of the doldrums is to serve others. As Christians, serving others and sharing our faith are two of the major things God wants us to do. Ironically (although not really), both have also been found to have a positive impact on our mental health. Thankfully, there are some fun service projects your family can do in the winter. Most are simple, low cost and don’t take a lot of time. For the recipient though, it can make a huge positive difference.

  1. Make a bird feeder and place it where someone shut in can watch the birds. You can get kits to build a regular feeder or make temporary ones out of pinecones. Make sure you fill it with food and provide extra if the person is physically able to walk out and refill it. If not, consider dropping by every few days to add food.
  2. Build snow people. You might want to ask permission first depending on the person. How much fun though for someone shut in to watch you build it and then have a fun sight out of their window for awhile!
  3. Shovel porches, sidewalks and driveways. This one is labor intensive, but great exercise! So many older people get stuck at home until the snow and ice totally melt because they are afraid of falling. After shoveling, you may also want to spread salt so melting ice doesn’t re-freeze.
  4. Take over some soup and corn muffins or homemade bread. The truth is that it is the thought that counts. Making homemade soup and bread – even from mixes – adds to the fun, but some cans of good soup and a nice loaf of deli bread or rolls will probably be just as appreciated.
  5. Take over hot chocolate and fixings. You can make fun things like chocolate spoons for stirring or even your own hot chocolate mix. Want to go the extra mile? Add a cute mug and marshmallows (they can be made from scratch too if you want to try it with your kids).
  6. Have a video call. A lot of people stay home during the winter to avoid germs. Since kids tend to be germ magnets, a personal visit is not always the best idea. Why not set up a video call, though? Depending on personalities, be prepared to get the conversation going between your kids and the person you are calling.
  7. Send some mail. Sure it’s old school, but who doesn’t love to get something fun in the mail? Have your kids draw pictures, write notes, send riddles or puzzles….anything that would be fun for someone stuck at home to receive.
  8. Gather up and give winter clothing to someone who needs it. Kids grow rapidly. Your kids and their friends may have a lot of winter wear they have outgrown. Get them to collect it and then give it to individuals, families or urban ministries who could use it.
  9. Take someone some flowers. Nothing brightens a room in the winter like fresh cut flowers. You can get inexpensive bouquets at grocery stores. Many places now sell blooming or ready to bloom plants that may last even longer.
  10. Plant seeds for food to give away. It doesn’t take much to grow many lettuces and spinach indoors in the winter. You can gift that food now or plant seeds for transplanting outside when the weather gets nice. Encourage your kids to care for the seedlings and discuss who might benefit the most from the food you grow.

Have fun with it. Bonus points if you include an encouraging Bible verse or point the recipients to God in some way as well. Make this a winter that is bright for everyone.

5 Hidden Benefits of Baking Cookies With Your Kids

Kids used to grow up helping in the kitchen. Now, many barely see their kitchens in use. We lost something important when we stopped cooking with our kids. We lost a fun way to help them grow spiritually.

For those of you terrified of the kitchen, you don’t have to get fancy. Buy a roll of those slice and bake cookies, some sprinkles and if you really want to have fun, a few tubes of decorator icing in different colors. Sugar cookies are best for decorating. You can find cookie cutters online or in craft stores like Michael’s for decent prices. Or borrow them from your mother or grandmother.

As you’re baking and decorating with your kids, there are five important benefits they are getting.

  1. An opportunity to talk to you when you are really listening to them. There’s something about kitchens that get people talking. Really pay attention to what your kids have to say – even if it seems silly and unimportant to you. They are watching how you respond and whether or not they share important things with you in the future will depend largely on how you react when they share things baking cookies.
  2. Patience. Pulling out the ingredients, mixing them together, rolling out the dough, cutting the shapes, waiting for them to bake, decorating them – it’s not a quick process. They (and possibly you!) will need to practice patience to have yummy cookies to eat at the end.
  3. Perseverance. If you pull out the ingredients, but don’t mix them together, there won’t be any cookies. It takes perseverance to see the project through to its delicious end. This is especially true if mistakes are made and things have to be done again.
  4. Teamwork/taking turns/sharing. Christianity is not done in a vacuum. Even Jesus had his Apostles. To be productive Christians, your kids will have to learn to work with others – including difficult siblings. The finished cookies can be a great motivator for working through sibling issues so the cookies can be baked and eaten!
  5. Serving others. Most recipes for cookies make more than a dozen. Why not take some of those extra cookies and gift them to someone who will enjoy them? Your kids may want to make artwork or write notes to go with the cookies. Delivering them personally also gives them an opportunity to provide companionship to someone who might be lonely.

Have fun with it. Do it more than once a year. Try cooking other things together. You may just find the kitchen is your family’s favorite room in the house!

Moms Have Feelings Too

I’m not sure why, but often the sweetest, most nurturing moms in the world have children who treat them in a callous manner. Ironically, these young people are usually kind to everyone else, but typically they take out all of their anger at their world on their mother.

I get it. It’s wonderful that your kids feel safe enough to release all of those pent up negative emotions on you. But there are ways for them to do that without crushing your feelings in the process.

Even very tiny children can understand, “That hurt Mommy!”. You don’t have to be harsh or lecture. Just let them know firmly, but kindly that you also have feelings that can be hurt and it’s not okay for them to say hurtful and mean things to you.

Teach them healthier ways of venting their emotions. They can cry, hit a punching bag, go for a run, paint a painting, talk about what’s happening and how they feel – there are lots of things they can do to release negative emotions instead of taking it out on you.

Moms take a lot of emotional hits in parenting. Many do it without a spouse sharing the emotional load, even if they are present. Some of those you can’t really avoid. But you don’t have to allow your kids to make you an emotional punching bag. If nothing else, remember that how you allow them to treat you may very well end up being how they treat their roommates and eventual spouse.

Be supportive of your children. Listen to them. Nurture them. Just don’t let them unleash their verbal ire onto you.