No offense to the person who decided Valentine’s Day should be a major Hallmark holiday, but talk about setting people up for disappointment! Ironically, all of the romance movie channels have made it worse. Even the great guys out there would have trouble measuring up to the heroes who instinctively meet the every need of the heroine – even before she knows she needs it. They always say and do the right things and their biggest flaw is their humble inability to realize their love is returned by the heroine!

Now as adults, experienced in dating, love and marriage, we generally see the humor in these movies. But who hasn’t on a day when their spouse wasn’t showing their particular best side occasionally sighed at the perfect words and actions of the movie hero? Even if your kids have never seen a rom com or Hallmark movie, these ideas of “perfect love” seep into the culture of even very young children. Even elementary aged children can feel pressured to find the perfect “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”.
I’ll never forget hearing a fourth grade girl tell the other girls that they couldn’t hang with her unless they could prove they had a boyfriend! Or hearing my professor tell me that in several elementary schools in her county, fifth graders defined dating as having someone tell you to do things like carry their books so they would call you their boyfriend or girlfriend and not lie and tell everyone you were gay. Your kids are probably being exposed to a jumble of messages about romance, love, dating and marriage. They have no way to sort them out without your help. Without it, they may choose to believe all sorts of unhealthy and even toxic or dangerous messages. (I hesitate to mention the girl in my sixth grade class who got pregnant so she would have someone to love her.)
You still have time before Friday to start talking about what healthy love in a romantic relationship looks like according to God. Some of God’s truths are scoffed at today, but they are commands for a reason. God knows what is best for us and wants to make sure we know how important it is to follow His wisdom. So He made them commands. But it goes beyond commands about sex and marriage. Romantic wisdom from God includes understanding agape love and what it means to help someone be the best Christian they can be (Here’s an unsolicited and unrewarded plug for Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.). Your kids need to know how to give agape love to those they date and their eventual spouse, but they also need to be careful to only date people who are the type of people they would want to marry – godly Christians who practice what they believe – including agape love.
Don’t just have these conversations now, have them all throughout the year. Have them frequently. Talk about all sorts of important topics within the realm of dating and marriage. Talk about being a healthy, happy single and refusing to settle. With your older kids and teens, this can be a great time to pull out all of your dating horror stories so they don’t feel so awkward sharing with you! Talk about purity. Perhaps most importantly, remind them that even if they feel unlovable because someone has rejected them, it isn’t true. Because God will always love them, as will you. Those whispers of being unloved and unlovable come from Satan, not God. Don’t let Satan’s whispers push them into unhealthy relationships. The loneliness they feel at times can be mitigated with prayer, reading scripture, fellowshipping with Christians and serving others.
Don’t leave your kids alone to navigate the turbulent waters of dating, love and marriage. Help them know which way to go.