Category: Character Training

Spiritual Disciplines for Your Kids

As a Christian parent, you may or may not have heard of the concept of spiritual disciplines. Periodically, it gets some focused attention in various circles, but doesn’t seem as popular as it may have been in the past. For those of you new to spiritual disciplines, they are practices Christians have participated in since the beginning of Christianity. Many Christians believe these disciplines will help them become more like Jesus and more pleasing to God. The lists vary from person to person, but they all have in common things that are commanded or modeled in scripture, like prayer and Bible study. While the term “spiritual disciplines” is not found in the Bible, the individual practices on most lists are found in scripture.

The problem with these disciplines is that they don’t always come naturally. At least not doing them consistently and constantly. Perhaps it is because often Christians don’t try to start making them habits until they are adults. What if we spent more time helping our children develop these disciplines when they are young? Would they be able to be more consistent and benefit spiritually from doing these things regularly?

Part of the problem I would imagine many parents would have is that most of these disciplines sound very adult in nature. I believe, however, that they can be tweaked in such a way that they are appropriate for even very young children and can help them develop healthy spiritual habits while it is still relatively easy.

Over the next few weeks, we will spend one post a week going into more depth about specific disciplines and how to get your children started in participating in them. (Our other post each week will feature other topics, tips and activity ideas.) For now, here is the list we will be using,

  1. Prayer
  2. Bible study, including reading, memorizing and meditation.
  3. Fasting
  4. Worship
  5. Service
  6. Fellowship
  7. Solitude
  8. Confession
  9. Giving
  10. Hospitality
  11. Simplicity
  12. Reflection
  13. Stewardship
  14. Evangelism
  15. Gratitude

As you look at this list, in which spiritual disciplines do you personally participate in consistently? With which do you struggle? How could these disciplines help your own spiritual growth and health? That of your children? Join us next week as we begin taking a closer look at individual disciplines and adapting them for children and teens.

5 Hidden Benefits of Baking Cookies With Your Kids

Kids used to grow up helping in the kitchen. Now, many barely see their kitchens in use. We lost something important when we stopped cooking with our kids. We lost a fun way to help them grow spiritually.

For those of you terrified of the kitchen, you don’t have to get fancy. Buy a roll of those slice and bake cookies, some sprinkles and if you really want to have fun, a few tubes of decorator icing in different colors. Sugar cookies are best for decorating. You can find cookie cutters online or in craft stores like Michael’s for decent prices. Or borrow them from your mother or grandmother.

As you’re baking and decorating with your kids, there are five important benefits they are getting.

  1. An opportunity to talk to you when you are really listening to them. There’s something about kitchens that get people talking. Really pay attention to what your kids have to say – even if it seems silly and unimportant to you. They are watching how you respond and whether or not they share important things with you in the future will depend largely on how you react when they share things baking cookies.
  2. Patience. Pulling out the ingredients, mixing them together, rolling out the dough, cutting the shapes, waiting for them to bake, decorating them – it’s not a quick process. They (and possibly you!) will need to practice patience to have yummy cookies to eat at the end.
  3. Perseverance. If you pull out the ingredients, but don’t mix them together, there won’t be any cookies. It takes perseverance to see the project through to its delicious end. This is especially true if mistakes are made and things have to be done again.
  4. Teamwork/taking turns/sharing. Christianity is not done in a vacuum. Even Jesus had his Apostles. To be productive Christians, your kids will have to learn to work with others – including difficult siblings. The finished cookies can be a great motivator for working through sibling issues so the cookies can be baked and eaten!
  5. Serving others. Most recipes for cookies make more than a dozen. Why not take some of those extra cookies and gift them to someone who will enjoy them? Your kids may want to make artwork or write notes to go with the cookies. Delivering them personally also gives them an opportunity to provide companionship to someone who might be lonely.

Have fun with it. Do it more than once a year. Try cooking other things together. You may just find the kitchen is your family’s favorite room in the house!

Fun Ways to Encourage Productivity in Your Kids

Christians are not saved by our works, but God expects His people to work and be productive. As soon as God created Adam, He put him to work tending the Garden of Eden. God himself worked on Creation for six days before resting on the seventh day. Our culture has reversed this pattern set by God, valuing “rest” over work, and no one is benefiting from it.

To be the Christians God wants your kids to be, they must bear fruit. They must do any work they do “as if working for the Lord” himself (Col. 3:23). They must “make the best use of their time” (Eph. 5:15). They must do good works (Titus 3:14). They must be productive.

Sounds terribly boring and hard, right? Thankfully, Mary Poppins was right – there are things you can do to encourage productivity in your kids that are actually quite fun. Here are a few of our favorites.

  1. Cooking. Most kids love to help cook. Cooking also teaches other Christian life skills like patience, perseverance and following directions (I.e. obeying commands). Go the extra mile and serve whatever they help cook when you entertain someone or take the food to someone who would benefit from the food, the visit, or both.
  2. Do a secret service project. Kids love to do things in secret. Have them help you plan and execute a project to serve someone without them finding out who did it. Make the project difficult enough that it requires some effort.
  3. Plant something. Plants are low risk pets! Have your kids plant and care for flowers or vegetables. Let them choose what they want to grow and plan fun things to do with whatever the plant produces.
  4. Encourage your kids to start a mini business. Most localities allow children to have lemonade stands or sell their art or beaded jewelry to friends and family without licenses. These little mini businesses are usually short lived, but teach your children some of the benefits of hard work.
  5. Encourage playing a musical instrument or pursuing an art or craft. Let them choose something they will enjoy and watch as they joyfully work for hours doing what they love.
  6. Encourage them to do something productive while watching media content. My parents had very strict limits on the amount of tv we could watch each day. In addition, though, they highly encouraged us to do something productive while we watched. It kept us engaged in the real world and often we stopped paying attention to whatever was on because we became so focused on the productive activity.
  7. Have family chore times. Chores are a lot more fun when you are doing them with someone. And have the tunes cranked up. Working together also makes it easier to knock out those bigger projects like cleaning out a garage or basement.

Have fun with it, but raise productive children. The world and the Church will be better for it.

How Well Do You Know Your Kids’ Hearts?

How often do you see an article about a teen or young adult who has just murdered someone where the parent says, “I had no idea my child was capable of that.”? Almost every single time. As a parent of a now adult child, I will tell you that one of two things has happened. First, the parent is lying through his or her teeth to avoid the accusations of poor parenting. Or, two, the parent is telling the truth and honestly doesn’t know his or her child at all. Both are scary.

As a Christian parent, one of your God given responsibilities is to know the hearts of your children. Then to help those hearts long to follow God all the days of their lives. Is it easy? No. Is it possible? Absolutely. There are Christian parents (even in these post Christian days) who successfully raise children who are faithful, productive Christians as adults. They are intentional. They put in the necessary effort.

But most importantly, they spend the time to really get to know the hearts of their children. It isn’t always easy. It can change from year to year. A young child who loves Jesus and wants to please him can grow into a teen who rejects God entirely. But it doesn’t happen over night in the vast majority of cases. The parents had plenty of time to notice early warning signs of weakening faith and make needed adjustments.

You can’t do that if you don’t spend enough time with your kids. Or don’t have meaningful, spiritual conversations with them. Or watch their reactions as you discuss spiritual things. Or listen when they share what is on their hearts. Knowing the hearts of your kids takes time and effort. If you don’t invest in your relationship with them, you risk setting up a dynamic where you don’t realize their faith is weakening until it’s almost too late to make a difference. There’s always hope with God, but helping your kids is easier at the very beginning of any issue than when it is full blown.

Don’t become that clueless parent on the news reels. Know, really know, your kids.

Are You Accidentally Undermining Your Children’s Trust In You?

Are you a counting parent? Counting parents use counting as a way to try and force their kids to obey them. You know the routine. “Amy, I am going to count to three and then there will be a consequence if you haven’t obeyed me.” Children learn from this type of correction, but probably not what their parents were hoping.

When you don’t expect immediate obedience and follow through with consequences for open rebellion, you are teaching your children that you cannot be trusted. Yes, they are also learning they don’t have to obey you immediately – if at all. They learn your mood impacts your patience level. They are learning they can keep rebelling until the very last second. They learn a rebellious attitude is okay as long as you pretend to obey at the last second. They learn that consequences are usually idle threats.

But they also learn they can’t trust you. Why? Because your word is not reliable. It’s impacted by your mood. Your promises to give consequences for rebellion are regularly broken. Your “no” doesn’t really mean “no”. They can’t trust that the rules you tell them are put in place to keep them safe are really as important as you say, because you regularly allow them to be broken with no consequences or real correction.

Oh, they may not be able to verbalize this growing lack of trust in you, but it’s there. The next time you say obeying a particular rule is critical, they are a little less likely to believe you. The next time you tell them that breaking a rule is so dangerous, there will be consequences, they won’t believe you are serious. Their lack of trust in you begins to fuel a growing rebellious spirit.

We took a parenting class before our daughter was born that emphasized the importance of first time compliance. Children could appeal if there were extenuating circumstances, but in general were expected to obey immediately when told to do something. It’s critical, because one day their actual lives may depend upon it.

It’s also critical, because your children learn they can trust you. When you say something is important, you back it up with action when they ignore you. This trust builds over time so that when you teach them about God, they trust you are teaching them the Truth. That when you tell them they shouldn’t do something because it is dangerous, then it must really be dangerous.

The next time your children refuse to obey you, don’t undermine their trust by counting or ignoring their rebellion. Deal with it. If you want to Christian parent well, you need their trust. It begins with enforcing what you say consistently. Say what you mean and mean what you say, is great parenting advice!