Discipline – Parenting Like Hannah

Spiritual Disciplines for Your Kids

As a Christian parent, you may or may not have heard of the concept of spiritual disciplines. Periodically, it gets some focused attention in various circles, but doesn’t seem as popular as it may have been in the past. For those of you new to spiritual disciplines, they are practices Christians have participated in since the beginning of Christianity. Many Christians believe these disciplines will help them become more like Jesus and more pleasing to God. The lists vary from person to person, but they all have in common things that are commanded or modeled in scripture, like prayer and Bible study. While the term “spiritual disciplines” is not found in the Bible, the individual practices on most lists are found in scripture.

The problem with these disciplines is that they don’t always come naturally. At least not doing them consistently and constantly. Perhaps it is because often Christians don’t try to start making them habits until they are adults. What if we spent more time helping our children develop these disciplines when they are young? Would they be able to be more consistent and benefit spiritually from doing these things regularly?

Part of the problem I would imagine many parents would have is that most of these disciplines sound very adult in nature. I believe, however, that they can be tweaked in such a way that they are appropriate for even very young children and can help them develop healthy spiritual habits while it is still relatively easy.

Over the next few weeks, we will spend one post a week going into more depth about specific disciplines and how to get your children started in participating in them. (Our other post each week will feature other topics, tips and activity ideas.) For now, here is the list we will be using,

Prayer
Bible study, including reading, memorizing and meditation.
Fasting
Worship
Service
Fellowship
Solitude
Confession
Giving
Hospitality
Simplicity
Reflection
Stewardship
Evangelism
Gratitude

As you look at this list, in which spiritual disciplines do you personally participate in consistently? With which do you struggle? How could these disciplines help your own spiritual growth and health? That of your children? Join us next week as we begin taking a closer look at individual disciplines and adapting them for children and teens.

Are You Accidentally Undermining Your Children’s Trust In You?

Are you a counting parent? Counting parents use counting as a way to try and force their kids to obey them. You know the routine. “Amy, I am going to count to three and then there will be a consequence if you haven’t obeyed me.” Children learn from this type of correction, but probably not what their parents were hoping.

When you don’t expect immediate obedience and follow through with consequences for open rebellion, you are teaching your children that you cannot be trusted. Yes, they are also learning they don’t have to obey you immediately – if at all. They learn your mood impacts your patience level. They are learning they can keep rebelling until the very last second. They learn a rebellious attitude is okay as long as you pretend to obey at the last second. They learn that consequences are usually idle threats.

But they also learn they can’t trust you. Why? Because your word is not reliable. It’s impacted by your mood. Your promises to give consequences for rebellion are regularly broken. Your “no” doesn’t really mean “no”. They can’t trust that the rules you tell them are put in place to keep them safe are really as important as you say, because you regularly allow them to be broken with no consequences or real correction.

Oh, they may not be able to verbalize this growing lack of trust in you, but it’s there. The next time you say obeying a particular rule is critical, they are a little less likely to believe you. The next time you tell them that breaking a rule is so dangerous, there will be consequences, they won’t believe you are serious. Their lack of trust in you begins to fuel a growing rebellious spirit.

We took a parenting class before our daughter was born that emphasized the importance of first time compliance. Children could appeal if there were extenuating circumstances, but in general were expected to obey immediately when told to do something. It’s critical, because one day their actual lives may depend upon it.

It’s also critical, because your children learn they can trust you. When you say something is important, you back it up with action when they ignore you. This trust builds over time so that when you teach them about God, they trust you are teaching them the Truth. That when you tell them they shouldn’t do something because it is dangerous, then it must really be dangerous.

The next time your children refuse to obey you, don’t undermine their trust by counting or ignoring their rebellion. Deal with it. If you want to Christian parent well, you need their trust. It begins with enforcing what you say consistently. Say what you mean and mean what you say, is great parenting advice!

Surprising Tip For Getting Kids to Obey

AI can be truly amusing at times. I requested a stock photo recently and typed in “paper turkey”. What I expected to get was this

Instead, what it generated was this

While technically correct, a crumpled paper flag of the country Turkey wasn’t even close to what I wanted or had imagined!

Your children are not mind readers. Nor do they necessarily have the life experience to know what it means to “clean your room”. They may also have very different definitions for the words you use (Not too many years ago, the word “bad” actually meant “good”!). Sometimes their supposed disobedience is actually a breakdown in communication.

The next time you ask your children to do a task, try these tips.

Carefully and fully explain what you want them to do. For example, instead of “clean your room”, try “I need you to pick up your toys, put your dirty clothes in the hamper and make your bed.”
Make sure they know how to do the things you want them to do. My father went to military school, so when we made our beds, the sheets were expected to have “military corners”. That is a skill that must be taught and practiced before a child can do it well independently. Teach your children how you want a particular task done and then help them practice until you are confident they can do it to your satisfaction independently.
Explain terms they may define differently well. For example, “wash your hands, means soap them up really well and scrub every inch of all of your fingers back and front and then rinse all of the soap off”.
Give deadlines. Often the breakdown comes because the parent wants something done immediately and the child thinks he or she has all day to do it. Giving a specific deadline (for little children, you can use timers or things like meals as markers) can help tasks be completed on your desired timeline.

Eliminating communication mistakes can also help you know when your child is truly rebelling against your commands. Otherwise you may be correcting and giving consequences to a child who really was trying to obey you.

Surprising Personality Traits That Can Make Being a Christian Harder

Christian parenting is never easy, but some children are born with personality traits that just make it a bit easier for them to obey God. How much of the original trait is nature versus nurture will probably be debated for many more years to come, but you have to parent the child you have in front of you. So a child (often the oldest) who is more compliant and willing to obey rules, for example, is going to find it much easier to obey God’s commands than a child who is born with a rebellious streak.

Mind you anyone, with any personality traits, can become a strong Christian. Look at Peter and Paul. Both would probably have been considered to have difficult personalities at times, yet they are two of the most well known and perhaps productive Apostles. If your children have traits that may make it difficult for him or her to live a Christian life, with lots of teaching, coaching, correction and redirecting, they can not only overcome the tendency making it difficult for them, but also turn it into a strength.

Don’t believe me? Have you ever seen a stubborn child? You know the one who just won’t budge about anything, but digs his or her heals in even harder? With a lot of work from engaged Christian parents, that stubbornness can become perseverance – a critical Christian character trait!

So what are some of the personality traits you may have to help one or more of your kids to overcome in order for it to be easier for them to obey God? Here’s a partial list to get you started.

Risk takers. These kids live for risky endeavors. They’re the ones that often believe they will never experience negative consequences for their risky behaviors. If God says getting drunk is a sin and you give them fifty practical reasons why it isn’t good for them, but someone dares them to get drunk, well…… If you work with this child long enough though, that risk taking can be challenged into a willingness and desire to go into the tougher mission fields or ministry areas often neglected by Christians who prefer a little more safety and security.
Pleasure seeking. This one can be tricky to spot because who doesn’t like a great meal or a manicure or a new outfit. The problem is when the pleasure seeking becomes a top priority and the attitudes become more like selfishness and entitlement. The flip side of this one is tough, but perhaps that seeking of pleasure can be turned into a passion for helping Christians live out Philippians 4:8.
Materialistic. These kids are all about money and stuff. Flipped and it can become a passion for generosity – earning money to help other people get the stuff they need but don’t have access to.
Impatient/Angry. These have all sorts of negative consequences. The antidote is forgiveness, but it can take a lot of work as a parent to teach angry children to forgive. Flipping it is threading a very fine needle because people often take this out of biblical context, but working to right injustices is a way to channel passion into something other than impatience and anger.
Poor impulse control. This one is so important that even secular experts encourage parents to spend a lot of time working with their children on impulse control. The flip side? These kids are quick, they just need to learn how to make godly choices quickly before saying or doing anything…that’s the control part. If they can master that, they can become those Christians that quickly jump in during a crisis and start making things better for those involved.
Talkative. The Bible tells us a lot of sins come out of our mouths. This is one of those issues that can have a huge positive impact when flipped. These kids are potential teachers, ministers and other people who speak publicly about God. They are not as afraid to share their faith because they are also often extroverts. They may also write great Christian books because they often learn how to speak and write well.
People pleasing/popularity seeking. Some kids have a strong need to be popular, to have tons of “friends” or to make others happy even if what the others want isn’t godly or wise. This has some roots in self esteem, but can also be flipped so the child has a wonderful servant heart and wants to share the Gospel message with others because it is in their best interest.
Critical. Nobody may like a critical person, but moderated with a loving godly heart and these are the people that notice issues before they cause too many problems. They can notice the leak before it ruins the proverbial building. They just need to learn how to phrase their critiques so they will be heard and heeded as useful.

If you see some characteristics of your children on this list, don’t panic. They can become like Peter and Paul, but you and they and any other Christians you can enlist may have to put in the time and effort to turn those traits that can pull them away from God into ones that help the Kingdom.

Tips for Raising Kids Who Confess

Did you ever think about how important confession is in Christianity? We are to confess our sins to God (1 John 1:19) and to one another (James 5:16). It’s impossible to repent of your sins without confessing them. It’s a central tenet of Christianity, but in many churches confession is rarely even mentioned.

While young children don’t sin, they do disobey you. What happens next? Often children begin avoiding confession when they realize admitting what they have done leads to punishment. Since the Bible also teaches parents should discipline their children, what should parents do to teach their kids to confess when they have done something wrong – whether it was a mistake or rebellion?

There are probably a lot of things you could do, but here are a few of our favorites.

Don’t over react when your child confesses something. Take a breath before beginning correction and discipline if needed. You can be firm without yelling and having a tantrum.
Don’t punish honest mistakes when confessed. One of the most common parenting mistakes is punishing children for honest mistakes. It’s okay to ask them to help clean up the mess they made if appropriate. Most of the time, you could have made the same mistake, so give them the understanding and grace you would want under the same circumstances.
Reinforce the importance of confession. Directly, intentionally teach them that God expects them to confess to Him when they sin. Encourage them to memorize a key verse or two on the topic.
Set a good example. If you made a mistake and it’s age appropriate to share it with your kids, then tell them about it. If it impacted them, apologize. If you sinned, tell them how you prayed for God to forgive you.
Praise them for their confession, while correcting and if necessary, disciplining them for their rebellion. It’s okay to let your kids know you are proud of them for their honest confession – even though you are less than thrilled with the choices that created a need for their confession.
Tell them Bible stories about people who confessed and how God/Jesus handled it. They need to hear that Jesus forgave Peter and let him know he still loved him after Peter betrayed him. There are plenty of stories in the Bible when God forgave someone after they confessed their sins and repented.

It’s important you raise children who are willing to confess their sins. Otherwise, they will struggle to repent when they sin. Take some steps now to make it a bit easier for them.