Tips for Raising Kids Who Confess

Did you ever think about how important confession is in Christianity? We are to confess our sins to God (1 John 1:19) and to one another (James 5:16). It’s impossible to repent of your sins without confessing them. It’s a central tenet of Christianity, but in many churches confession is rarely even mentioned.

While young children don’t sin, they do disobey you. What happens next? Often children begin avoiding confession when they realize admitting what they have done leads to punishment. Since the Bible also teaches parents should discipline their children, what should parents do to teach their kids to confess when they have done something wrong – whether it was a mistake or rebellion?

There are probably a lot of things you could do, but here are a few of our favorites.

  1. Don’t over react when your child confesses something. Take a breath before beginning correction and discipline if needed. You can be firm without yelling and having a tantrum.
  2. Don’t punish honest mistakes when confessed. One of the most common parenting mistakes is punishing children for honest mistakes. It’s okay to ask them to help clean up the mess they made if appropriate. Most of the time, you could have made the same mistake, so give them the understanding and grace you would want under the same circumstances.
  3. Reinforce the importance of confession. Directly, intentionally teach them that God expects them to confess to Him when they sin. Encourage them to memorize a key verse or two on the topic.
  4. Set a good example. If you made a mistake and it’s age appropriate to share it with your kids, then tell them about it. If it impacted them, apologize. If you sinned, tell them how you prayed for God to forgive you.
  5. Praise them for their confession, while correcting and if necessary, disciplining them for their rebellion. It’s okay to let your kids know you are proud of them for their honest confession – even though you are less than thrilled with the choices that created a need for their confession.
  6. Tell them Bible stories about people who confessed and how God/Jesus handled it. They need to hear that Jesus forgave Peter and let him know he still loved him after Peter betrayed him. There are plenty of stories in the Bible when God forgave someone after they confessed their sins and repented.

It’s important you raise children who are willing to confess their sins. Otherwise, they will struggle to repent when they sin. Take some steps now to make it a bit easier for them.

Fun Fall Family Service Projects

The weather in Fall is great for getting outside or doing things inside that keep you cozy and warm on those chilly, rainy days. Why not spend some family time together serving others? You and your kids will not only help others, but quite probably grow closer, learn something and have fun in the process.

Here are some of our favorite ideas.

  1. Go apple picking and share the wealth. Churches and other places that give food to those experiencing food insecurity rarely have access to fresh fruits and vegetables. Why not have fun picking a bushel of apples and donating them? Or share a handful of apples with neighbors and friends or someone who could also use a visit. (Call churches and food banks first, as not everyone accepts fresh produce.)
  2. Make some muffins and take them to someone who is lonely. Our favorite recipes? One box spice cake mix, one small can of pumpkin and half of that can of water. Mix and bake at 350* until firm to touch. Or use a mix for cinnamon bread or muffins, dice some fresh apples and add them into the mix with the other ingredients. Plan on spending a few minutes just chatting with the person when you deliver the muffins. If your kids are young, encourage them to also create some art for the person.
  3. Rake some leaves. Know someone who has been sick or is older and doesn’t use a lawn service? Why not save them some time and money and rake their leaves for them. (Make sure to clarify what they want done with the gathered leaves.)
  4. Go to the Farmers’ Market and have someone over for dinner. Farmers’ markets have lots of fun ingredients, but many also have booths selling things like fresh pasta, meats, and even prepared dishes. Go to the market as a family and pick out everything you need for a meal. Then invite someone over to share it with you. Hospitality is a key ingredient of spiritually vital homes and this is a fun way to be hospitable.
  5. Clean up trails and parks for others to enjoy and to keep animals safe. Use safety precautions, but take a bag and wear safety gloves the next time you go on a hike or play in the park. Clean up the place a bit.

Take advantage of Fall and serve others as a family. It’s a great way to celebrate the cooler weather and can become a family tradition.

Family Game Night For Fun and Faith

I’m a big fan of family game nights. We enjoyed them when our daughter was little and still love playing games when she and her husband come visit for a week. Playing board games with your kids can build relationships and create fun family memories. They can help ease the pain when they are having issues with friends. They can teach skills, like problem solving and time management, that strengthen resilience. Did you also know that you can use games to strengthen their Bible knowledge and build on their faith foundation?

Our game chest has always been filled with a mixture of secular and Bible games. Unfortunately, when our daughter was young, there weren’t a ton of options. In a quick scan through Amazon, I found that even some popular secular games like Cranium look like they now have official Bible versions.

Be aware though that not all Bible games have equal value. Some probably aren’t any more helpful than secular games for increasing Bible knowledge or comprehension. I would suggest thinking through any purchases of Bible games. Trivia decks are fun to have in the car for road trips. If you have a secular version of the game they love, then see if you can purchase just the question decks from the Bible version and use the same game board.

Or you might want to buy an entirely new Bible game. Also think about the underlying messages it may be sending your kids. I saw one that advertised making hysterically funny drawings for Bible verses. I can see a game like that either reinforcing Bible memory work or creating a disrespect for scripture depending upon how it is structured. Sometimes youth groups and children’s ministries own Bible games and you can look through them to see if they are something you want to purchase for home use. Or a Christian you know may already own the game and can tell you about it.

Just because a game is advertised as “Christian” or “Bible” doesn’t mean it will help your kids grow spiritually. Don’t forget, your kids can also learn character lessons by playing any games – even secular ones. The important thing is to have regular game nights. If you need a new game, consider a Bible one. It may add another dimension to the fun.

When Does Helping Your Kids With Homework Become Cheating?

The homework wars are real. Parents don’t like homework any more than their kids do. There are articles debating the importance of homework versus free time, yet many teachers still assign quite a bit of homework. As someone with a background in education – who also had a child in public school for five years – I can testify that some of her homework assignments added no educational value and were both annoying and time consuming.

It can be tempting to “help” your kids to speed up the process. Or perhaps your child has a borderline grade and good homework grades will bump them into the higher grade. Or maybe you are just super competitive and want your child’s projects to always be the best in the class. The temptation to actually do your child’s homework or just give them the answers can be overwhelming.

Unfortunately, there are two major moral issues with doing your child’s homework. The first is that it is lying. Cheating at its core is lying. You are trying to make a teacher believe your child completed work on their own that you did all or a large part of. That is a lie and we know how much God hates lies. The second moral issue is that you are helping undermine the teacher’s authority. The New Testament is clear about respecting authority figures when their commands are not forcing us to disobey God.

Teachers expect parents to give their children some help with their homework. They know that parents who don’t help have children who struggle more in school. So what should you do? When does helping, cross the line and become cheating?

  1. When you give your kids the answers instead of teaching them how to find the answer. Teachers often want parents to look for mistakes on completed homework so students can learn how to do the problem correctly. Your kids aren’t learning anything when you give them the correct answer, Take a few extra minutes to walk through the problem with them, helping them find the error and correct it with only prompts from you like, “What should you do next?”
  2. On creative projects, ask questions that encourage their creativity or give broad suggestions. Instead of saying “you should build a building using an empty paper towel roll and drawing windows on it every half inch”, try asking them what things you have in your recycling bin that they could use…. or what could they do to the item they have chosen to make it look like a real building.
  3. It’s okay to give children with motor skill issues a little help (if that is not a learning objective for the project), but assist, don’t do it for them. Put your hand over their hand to help them move their hands in the ways needed. Don’t just grab the scissors and cut it out yourself.
  4. Remember, the finished project should look like a child completed it. If your child normally uses one syllable words when writing at school and their paper comes back with three and four syllable words – they better be able to explain how they found those words and what they mean. Likewise, if a creative project comes back looking like it was designed by an architect and your child can’t cut a straight line during the school day, the teacher will know you provided more help than you should have done.
  5. When in doubt, ask the teacher. Some teachers, for example, encourage students to find someone to help edit papers for mistakes. Others want the students to catch all of their errors themselves. Make sure you understand what the school and the teacher allow as appropriate outside help before helping your child.

Your kids’ teachers want you to be engaged with them and their homework, Just make sure you aren’t actually helping them cheat.

How to Raise a Generous Child

Talk to any ministry or non-profit and they will tell you they are concerned about the future. Why? Because they are noticing more and more that all of their volunteers and donors are over the age of fifty. They realize our culture inside and outside of the church environment no longer values service and generosity. There are lots of cultural reasons for that, but as Christians, we aren’t given an option to let professionals or the government serve others for us. The commands are frequent and clear. Each Christian is expected to serve others and give generously. Personally.

So what are some things you can do to raise kids with servant and generous hearts? Here are some of our favorites.

  1. Set a great example. What do your kids see as they watch you? What do they hear as you speak? Are you more concerned with getting new things for yourself or helping others with the things you already have? Do they see you regularly donating to collections at church for various items? Do they hear you and your spouse discuss how you can increase your contribution to church and other ministries? Or do they hear you complain when a ministry asks for money? Do they listen as you try to figure out ways to cut your contributions to church so you have more money for yourself? Hopefully they watch you spend time every week serving others and giving? Kids do what they know, so your example is key.
  2. Find ways to include them in your service and giving. Have them go with you and help at their level when you serve. Encourage them to find ways they can personally cut back so your family has more money to contribute to a need. Give them extra little jobs so they can earn money to donate themselves. The younger they start serving and giving, the more it is likely to become a natural part of who they are at their very core.
  3. Tell them empathy stories. Help create an empathetic heart by making sure they know what life is like for those you may be serving. The best of course, is to let them hear the stories of their lives from the people themselves. You can also build empathy by reading books written for children about life in different situations. Share your own experiences or those of people you know when appropriate. Service disconnected from the people being served can at times become judgmental and even condescending. Make sure your children understand the full story behind why people need help in age appropriate ways.
  4. Talk about people in the Bible who served others or gave generously. Tell them the story of Abraham and his three visitors. Or Jesus and his ministry. Or the generosity of the early church. Read to them about the widow and her generous donation and the Good Samaritan. Don’t forget to teach them God’s commands on the topic. Encourage them to memorize key verses and revisit them regularly.
  5. Encourage independent efforts at giving and service. Some children are just naturally generous. They just need praise and encouragement to stay the way they are. Other kids are a little more oblivious or even a bit selfish. They need a little nudging to even notice needs – much less respond to them. Instead of telling them what to do, ask them questions to help them decide on their own what the person needs and how they can help. Make sure to let them know you noticed and appreciated their efforts when they do act in generous ways or serve someone else.
  6. Expose them to other generous people who serve others constantly with their time, talents and money. Invite someone over for dinner who goes on mission trips and encourage them to tell your family what it’s like. Or someone who is deeply involved in ministry to a particular group of people and ask them to tell your children about the issues, their efforts to help and the victories and challenges in their ministry. (Note: These interactions are sometimes even more meaningful if the person isn’t a paid minister, but someone who does it on a volunteer basis.)
  7. Give them an allowance and encourage them to give a portion of it back to God. There are lots of creative ways to start children in the habit of giving a portion of their income back to God. It’s more difficult with online giving, but most churches still have a donation box in the foyer. Make sure your kids go every week and put in their money. As teens, help them set up a bank account and teach them how to set up automatic contributions to your congregation.

Raising a generous child doesn’t happen by accident. But with a little intentionality and extra effort, your children can grow up to be the givers God wants them to be.