Can Your Children’s Music Really Influence Them

Full confession. I am one of those people who tends to make up their own lyrics to songs. Mind you, it isn’t intentional. I tend to misunderstand them and choose similar sounding, but inevitably wrong words. During my teen years, I also quickly realized the lyrics of many songs whizzed past me as I did not hang out with a group that regularly used foul slang terms. The lyrics I sang were rather innocent, even if the original lyrics weren’t.

Having said that, I have heard adults for decades claim that the lyrics of songs do influence many, if not most teens. I decided to do some research. Obviously, God would prefer we listen to songs with wonderful lyrics. If, however, your teens prefer more mainstream music, could it really impact their faith journey negatively?

The first study I found was under the oversight of the Prevention Research Center. Their study Music, Substance Abuse and Aggression came to some interesting conclusions.

They found that there did seem to be a significant connection between listening to rap music and alcohol use, illicit drug use and aggressive behaviors when all other variables were controlled. Alcohol and illicit drug use (but evidently not aggressive behaviors) were also strongly tied to young people who listened to techno and reggae.

What is unclear, however, is whether listening to those genres encourages those behaviors or young people engaged in those behaviors are drawn to those genres of music. (Note: In this study, alternative, R&B, rock, pop, country, punk, heavy metal, salsa, classical, jazz and world music did not seem to have the same connection to negative behaviors. None of those sampled listened to Christian music.)

They also found that a young person’s gender, age, sensation seeking and ethnicity had some influence on substance abuse and aggressive behaviors. These were controlled for in the genres of music, but it indicates a third sphere of influence on negative teen behaviors.

Their final conclusion was that a teen’s substance abuse and aggressive behaviors could be connected to their frequent listening to the lyrics of certain genres of music containing lyrics about alcohol, drugs and violence.

Also interesting is the impact music and lyrics can have on emotions. A study by Bharucha found that people tend to listen to music to help them feel a specific emotion. So if they want to feel happy, people tend to choose to listen to happy, upbeat songs. Young people may also choose particular songs because the lyrics reflect their current feelings. When one recalls lyrics are actually poetry, this dynamic makes sense.

A study by Vastjall, found that participants reported significantly less stress in periods when they were listening to music than in periods of time when they weren’t. They concluded that even a passive listening to music can influence mood.

Music can also be used to manipulate the emotions of others. Countries have regularly used music as part of their torturing regimen. Music may be chosen for this purpose because of the tune or the lyrics. Volume was also used to create a response in those being tortured.

So what does God have to say about music? In the Bible, we see many verses suggesting we use music to praise God and encourage and teach others. Perhaps the most applicable verse to our discussion of the impact of negative lyrics would be Philippians 4:8. Paul tells us God wants us to fill our minds with things that are good, pure, lovely, admirable and the like. Why? Because the lyrics that become locked in our minds can influence us and God would prefer that influence to be positive.

Should you ban your kids from listening to anything except hymns? That type of parenting can easily backfire, if you aren’t careful. On the other hand, having open discussions between parents and teens about the music each prefers (Mom and Dad’s favorite tunes might have suspect lyrics, too!), it’s lyrics and how it may be influencing each of them can and should be a regular conversation in Christian homes.

What Christian Parents Need to Start Teaching Their Sons

What Christian Parents Need to Start Teaching Their Sons - Parenting Like HannahCurrently, our society is in the midst of the #MeToo movement. Regardless of what you think of the movement and those involved, a harsh reality remains. The messages our world sends about love and particularly sex are the opposite of what God intended for us. Sadly, Christian parents are often just as guilty of teaching ungodly messages to their children as non-Christians. This seems to be particularly common amongst parents of young men.

When I was a young teen, my older girl friends at church would tell me they often got the most pressure to ignore God’s commands for sexual purity from the Christian guys they dated. I thought it was rather strange at the time, but when I started dating, I found much of the same dynamic. As I dated more, I realized part of the reason why this often happened.

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Christian Kids and Dating

Christian Kids and Dating - Parenting Like HannahParents often start talking about dating when their child comes home announcing he or she wants to go on a first date. Sadly for many teens, creating a heart that is ready to date on God’s terms, should have begun many years earlier when they were still children.

Christian parents often think they are protecting their kids by refusing to talk about dating, sex, purity, marriage and other similar topics until the teen years. What these parents don’t realize is that their children are most likely already having these conversations with peers or using television shows, movies and the internet to learn about them.

Having these conversations with your kids is uncomfortable even for those comfortable talking about those topics with their spouses and other adults. And for those who aren’t comfortable, having their teeth pulled without novocaine sounds a lot more fun.

If you don’t have these conversations though, you are setting your kids up for failure. The pressure to act in ungodly ways is hard enough on any teen or young adult. For those who haven’t been given enough tools to deal with it in godly ways, they will be particularly likely to give in to peer pressure.

So what sorts of conversations should you have with children about these sensitive, but important topics?

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Why Christian Moms Need Special Outings With Tween Daughters

Why Christian Moms Need Special Outings With Tween Daughters - Parenting Like Hannah
PC Tamara Behlarian

Have you ever felt like a caterpillar? Did you ever go through a stage when you believed you would never turn into a moth, much less a beautiful butterfly? For some women, those feelings can last for decades, while others may only feel like that for a few weeks of their lives. I would imagine if you ask most women when those feelings peaked though, they would tell you the tween/middle school years.

When our daughter was in late elementary school, we found the Secret Keepers by Dannah Gresh. (This link is what I believe is the current edition. Ours had cassette tapes!) The program was about modesty, beauty and all of that fun girl stuff from a Christian perspective. The series itself was fine, but what made it so special was the “date” we went on for each lesson. I only remember one now, because our daughter got to bring a friend and it involved trying on a lot of clothes – not normally a favorite thing of mine to do. We had a blast though.

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Teens, Alcohol and God

Teens, Alcohol and God - Parenting Like HannahFor some teens, the most exciting things they learn in the Bible are that Jesus turned water into wine and the Bible calls drunkenness a sin – not drinking. What your teen may not realize is that just because something is permitted, doesn’t mean it is wise to do it. (I Corinthians 10:23 and 6:12) In fact, many Christians have decided to avoid all alcohol for a variety of very valid reasons.

The problem is parents rarely share those reasons with their kids. In fact, some parents are still experiencing “Iwannabepopular” syndrome and may have not resolved their own issues with alcohol. It’s difficult to help someone navigate an issue with which you are still struggling.

For topics like alcohol, most teens need real, honest discussion beyond the “It’s a sin. You could go to Hell. End of discussion.” lecture common when I was younger (FYI – not from my parents.). It’s not that drunkenness isn’t a sin. Or that your kids shouldn’t make obeying God their top priority. It’s just that they are still spiritually immature and may need additional information and/or motivation before making a wise spiritual choice.

So what bits of information does your child need to know about drinking, drunkenness and God? There are a lot of things you can share, but here are a few that seem to resonate with teens.

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