Read through the book of Acts and it becomes clear that baptism was meant to be an informed choice a person made. It was among other things an acknowledgement of personal sin, repentance, a declaration of Jesus as Lord and a commitment to follow Jesus for the rest of one’s life. Early church history confirms that baptism was for many years only available to those old enough to make an informed decision. Infant baptism was the byproduct of high infant mortality and not part of God’s original plan. (The first infant baptism was in the year 160 – long after the Apostles had died.) The idea of baptism as merely a membership rite occurred even later.
If you want biblical baptism for your children, it means it has to be their decision. They have to be old enough to understand what they are doing as well as any adult might and be capable of making the same declarations and commitments. This is sometimes referred to as the age of accountability. With the extension of childhood and adolescence well into adulthood, the idea of an age of accountability creates a lot of questions. While I would never claim to speak for God, here are my best informed answers to questions you may have about your child’s baptism. They are based on scriptures where I can find them, but also decades of experience in working with parents and their children as well as official research on the topic.
- What is the age of accountability? This term is not found in the Bible. It is based on the Jewish tradition that we see displayed in the story of Jesus at the Temple as a 12 year old. Historically 12 (now 13 for boys and 12 for girls) years old was the age at which Jewish boys (now boys and girls) were to take responsibility for their own spiritual life. While there is no hard and fast age for the age of accountability, most believe it to be about that same age for the average child.
- Does the current immaturity of young people mean the age of accountability is older? This is totally my personal opinion, but I believe Christians should be counter-cultural and raise mature children. Nothing good comes from a young adult delaying adult behaviors and living a life filled with primarily leisure and self indulgence. God calls us to be our best selves – to mirror His image and that is not an image of delayed maturity. In fact, Paul in 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 reprimands Christians who are doing things that delay their spiritual maturing. That being said, an immature child or teen will be more likely to delay a decision on baptism. It does not mean that God’s definition of the age when a particular individual is ready to make that choice has changed based on his or her intentional delayed maturity.
- How young is too young to be baptized? Once again, this varies from child to child. It is the rare child who has enough knowledge, understanding and maturity to make the decision at age eight or nine, but there are children who have made the commitment at that age and honored it throughout their lifetime. The key is not the chronological age, but understanding the motivation behind wanting to be baptized. Often young children are taken with the idea of the extra attention or the baptism act itself rather than feeling a spiritual desire and need to be baptized.
- My child is in his or her late teens and hasn’t been baptized. Should I be concerned? Unfortunately, even with the delayed maturity that is so common today, a child in his or her late teens who has not decided to become a Christian is a major concern. Less than 20% of Christians were baptized after the age of 18 (in the U.S.). While this is also a critique of our poor evangelism, it provides an indication of the importance of making the decision before adulthood. Assuming your child has been raised in a faithful Christian home with regular exposure to the Bible, delaying baptism can be a sign of rebellion against God in either its beginning or sadly, entrenched stages.
- Should I pressure my child into being baptized? “Pressure” is a word with many possible interpretations. I have found it to be helpful to ask older children and teens what their thoughts are regarding baptism and what they think they will need to make an informed decision about it. Scaring or forcing a child into baptism is ultimately useless, because it is not about just being immersed in water, but your child having a repentant heart and wanting to obey and follow God. If the heart is not involved, the baptism probably does your child as much good as jumping into a swimming pool might.
- How can I delay my child when I’ve decided he or she is too young, without causing my child to lose all interest? I have seen this happen too many times. Often the parent has decided the child is too young based on some random age rather than actually discussing baptism and studying with the child. When this happens, the child becomes frustrated and many will give up rather than wait and meet some imaginary standard they may or may not ever achieve. Our baptism study is designed to allow you to continue to study with the children who are truly too young and do fun activities with them to explore the topic to delay them a bit without actually denying them and frustrating their interest in becoming a Christian.
- Am I qualified to study baptism with my children? The Bible gives lots of examples of all sorts of people teaching others how to become a Christian. Any Christian is allowed and encouraged to share their faith with anyone – including their own children. Some parents still have concerns that they are teaching everything they should. We have created a free baptism study with leader’s guide that many parents have used in order to study baptism with their children more confidently.
- Should I ask another Christian to study baptism with my child? While you can study with your child, in some cases, it may not be the best option. If you and your child have a difficult relationship in general, if your child’s life has circumstances that may have made baptism a more difficult decision (traumatic experiences, etc.) or if your child has questions that are too difficult for you to feel confident answering, you may want your child to study with another strong Christian. Some parents will also choose to do this because they want a “second opinion” of sorts that their child is indeed ready for baptism.
- My child is definitely ready to become a Christian, but I want to delay the baptism for a few weeks/months so someone special can be present or so my child can be baptized on a particular day like a birthday. Is this okay? The examples in Acts clearly show that there was not much of a delay between the decision to follow Christ and the actual baptism by immersion. We have to assume there is an important reason for that. While it’s probably okay to wait a day or two for a service (most churches will gladly provide access to their baptistery any time day or night that it is needed) if you and your child would prefer to do it then, waiting weeks or months can be problematic. We don’t know for sure how God would handle it if something catastrophic happened in between the decision and the baptism, but to your child, delaying baptism can make it seem less important and more like an initiation rite than the serious, life changing repentance and commitment that it was meant to be.
- My child with special needs wants to be baptized and become a Christian. Is he or she capable of making that decision? Children and teens with special needs should be given the same opportunities to learn about and participate in baptism as any other older child or teen. One researcher estimated that about 80% of people with special needs will be able to make an informed decision about baptism at some point in their lives. His research was based on an educational formula of being able to understand the necessary information and make a rational informed decision. Using this formula means that children with below average IQs will most likely reach the age of accountability several years later than their peers, but unless their IQ is incredibly low (below 50), it should not be assumed they are incapable of becoming a Christian. (It is important to note that non-verbal children often have IQ estimates that are incorrectly low. I have known of non-verbal young people who were more than capable of making an informed decision on baptism. Often they are frustrated they cannot communicate their intentions in a way so that others understand and will allow them to be baptized.) Many do not become Christians because they are not given the information and accessibility needed to become a Christian.
Have more questions or need a resource to help you study baptism with your child? Our free baptism study with leader guide has everything most parents need to study baptism with their children. May God bless you and your child as you discuss and study baptism together. It is the most important decision your child will ever make.