Can the Hygge Fad Enhance Christian Parenting?

New trends often attempt to reverse issues caused by current trends. It’s no wonder then that after several years of living in an isolated, cold, high tech world, the Danish idea of hygge is becoming popular in the U.S. So what is hygge? Is it a good thing? More importantly, can it enhance your Christian parenting efforts?

Before we get too far, hygge is a Danish term pronounced hyoo gah (like the name Hugh and with a hard ”g” in the second syllable). There is no direct translation in English, which of course makes it feel more special and exotic to us. Probably the closest English words would be terms like cozy, homey, warm and fuzzy, comforting, embracing and the like.

While summers in Denmark are pretty close to my definition of perfect – not too hot and daylight hours that basically never end – the winters are cold and very, very dark. Areas like that in the U.S. often have extremely high rates of depression, but the Danes credit hygge for keeping their spirits high – consistently ranking as one of the happiest populations in Europe.

Just like many trends, hygge is not inherently good or evil. A lot depends upon the individual and how he or she incorporates the various common elements. For example, comforting foods and desserts play a large role in hygge. Eaten in moderation, there is nothing particularly wrong with cake. If someone trying to create a hygge environment eats an entire cake at every meal, however, then the sin of gluttony comes into play.

Personally, I believe adding elements of hygge to your home can create the loving Christian home atmosphere most of us want. It encourages children to want to stay home more and invite their friends over. It’s also great for entertaining and we know that hospitality is not only commanded in scripture, but leads to higher success rates in Christian parenting. The good news is that you don’t necessarily have to spend a lot of money to make your home more hygge. If you do decide to purchase items, IKEA can provide low cost items that are hygge since many other Nordic countries have similar ideas.

For a quick primer in hygge, you can read the book The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking. In general, you want low lighting – like that from candles and fireplaces. Unplug from technology and wear comfortable clothes – the fuzzier and cozier the better, so break out the sweats, pjs and fuzzy socks. Food and people play a big role in hygge. Wiking suggests having people bring the ingredients for a meal and everyone work together in the kitchen to cook it (and yes, I too wonder how big their kitchens are). The food tends to be comfort food, so think pasta, potatoes, stews and desserts – their favorites are cakes and chocolates.

The people element is where things get interesting. Think friends and family with everyone having equal time in conversation. There is a sense of gratitude, harmony and a lack of arguments and drama in conversations. Think the perfect Norman Rockwell painting or episode of The Waltons and you are probably close to completing the hygge environment.

This social element has become rare in the U.S. over the last few years because of an anger that tends to accompany any discussion of differences, so you may need to make some rules that everyone agrees to follow until warmth and civility become habits again. The hygge ”rules” should be standard in your home – even when you don’t have guests. Loving, supportive interactions should be the norm in your grateful home.

And don’t forget hugs! The word hygge is thought to be linguistically related to the word hug and hugs are certainly hygge. Not only do they communicate your love for your children, but hugs can reduce stress and lower levels of aggression and anxiety. The old standard was eight hugs a day per person – at a minimum. Even if more recent studies question the exact number, it is still a healthy goal for your family.

So give hygge a try in your home and see what happens. Avoid any possible pitfalls, like gluttony, and embrace the good points. You may find your family is happier and you have more opportunities to teach your children the things God wants them to know.

The One Question You Need to Ask to Get Your Kids Thinking

If you have children in school, you’ve most likely experienced the conversation that upsets many parents. It’s usually framed by some variant of “My teacher said” or “I read/saw online” followed by some new “truth” your child has supposedly learned. This “truth” may be so far from the truth to be almost laughable to you, but to your child it can become a hill to die on.

For some families, this conversation can lead to years of arguments, debates and even fractured relationships. It can create a dynamic where your kids may reject God and Christianity more because you believe in it, than because they have any rational reason for their rejection.

There’s a simple question you can ask, to teach your kids to begin thinking more critically without setting up the beginnings of an unhealthy dynamic that lessens your ability to teach and point them towards God. The question? “How do you know that is true?”

This question works best when preceded by, “Hmmm. that’s interesting….” It shows your willingness to learn something new, because sometimes your kids will have learned something new that is true and will help you out in some way. Then the follow up question asking how they know the statement to be true, is where your guidance can grow.

Now, be prepared for the inevitable response that Mrs. So and so or some celebrity or influencer or book imparted the original knowledge. Try to swallow your impulse to roll your eyes or diminish the source in some way. Rather, follow the answer with a similar question asking how that person learned this to be true.

Once you get to this point, you will have to proceed in ways that best meet your kids’ personalities. Some kids will respond they don’t know and will walk away rather than dig any deeper. That’s okay. You may or may not want to mention that you’d be interested in hearing more when they find more evidence, but until then, you will be skeptical because you have learned accepting “truth” without doing your homework can cause a lot of problems later.

Eventually, the seed will be planted that not all “truth” is really true. That question will be there when they are burned by a “truth” they later discover is a lie. Chances are at that point, your question may become something they begin to ask themselves without prompting from you.

For those who have kids who enjoy reading and researching or if you homeschool, you can suggest they do some research to see if there is evidence to support or refute this new “truth”. You can spend time teaching them the difference between reliable and unreliable sources and the danger of only listening to those who already agree with what you have decided is true. If you want to really teach them well, consider exploring logical fallacies and Christian apologetics.

A small handful of you will have kids who will use the question as a springboard for their rebellion against God. They may reply by asking how you know God really exists or some other question you may struggle to answer easily. The truth is that if your children respond this way, avoiding asking them to examine what they believe won’t make them less rebellious towards God. Their hearts are already rebellious and if you know now, you may be able to still reach your children for God. Otherwise, you may not find out until years later when the rebellion has become hardened and is more difficult to root out.

The good news is those hard spiritual doubt questions do have answers. Good answers. Evidence based answers in most cases. If you need help, look for apologetics articles and books by people like Lee Strobel and others. I mention Mr. Strobel because he began his career as a journalist back in the days when you had to fact check sources and information. He uses and teaches those techniques as he explores a number of topics that can confuse people about God, the Bible and Christianity. They also come in editions for different age groups, so you can find one best suited to your child’s reading ability.

The next time your child comes home with a “truth” to share, ask your question. Encourage your kids to examine everything by the Bible – even if they heard it from a preacher or well known Christian. Teaching your kids to think critically can actually strengthen their faith and cause them to reject the lies of the world and false teachers. It’s worth taking the time to ask the question they need to be asking themselves.

5 Fun Ways to Learn More About Your Child’s World

Have you ever met parents who seemed totally clueless of how their child behaved out in the world? Sadly, it’s more common than you think. Too many parents think their kids are doing just “fine” and have “great” friends when that isn’t even close to their child’s reality. If you already have a great relationship with your kids – the type where they freely tell you anything and everything about their lives – good, bad and ugly – you probably don’t need to worry. On the other hand, if you know very little about your child’s life outside of your home and even less about his or her friends, you may be missing out on crucial information to help you parent more effectively.

For Christian parents, knowing if your child lives differently outside of your home can be crucial as it may reveal serious issues with the heart. Hearts that are beginning to view lying and hiding things as acceptable are generally not headed in a very godly direction. Spying on your kids by invading their privacy is rarely the best choice. There are more honest, fun ways of seeing your kids in their daily environments that give you opportunities to see how they are living while also giving you opportunities to get to know their friends and peers better, too.

  • Volunteer. You would be surprised how much the “catsup” mom learns about all of the kids in school – her own included! Most schools and extracurricular activities need volunteers to do various tasks. Look for ones that give you opportunities to interact with your children and their peers while volunteering. Instead of talking with other volunteers, observe the kids and interact with them in ways that are considered appropriate. Most kids desperately need someone to listen to them, so you will be ministering to them as well.
  • Sponsor or lead. Some activities need adults to lead them. This requires a bigger investment of time, but also gives you more long term access and involvement in the activity lives of your kids and their peers. Once again, many parents find this is also a great opportunity to minister to young people who need mentoring.
  • Host their friends. Whether it’s a play date, sleep over or Friday night pizza and game night, having your kids’ friends in your home is the best way to really get to know them. If you entertain enough, you may even find yourself with a few extra members in your family after a time. It’s important to remember that opening your home and leaving them to their own devices is very different from being accessible and available. You don’t have to hover, but popping in with cookies or a question periodically is a great way to remind them you are available and that you are aware of what is happening.
  • Treat to ice cream or coffee. Kids and teens love special time with adults. Whether it’s just your child or your kid and a friend, taking them out for ice cream, “coffee” or some other special treat gives you relaxed time to have deeper conversations with them. Sometimes framing questions with “I heard/read kids/teens your age ———-, do you think that is accurate?” can often yield a wealth of insight into their world.
  • Learn something new together that they choose. This is a great way to learn about your kids’ gifts and passions. If they’ve always wanted to learn how to weave a basket or play the ukulele, taking a class together can be fun. Even if it’s not your gift or passion, it gives you a better understanding of what they love and why they love it.

Taking extra time to join your kids in their worlds is a great way to make sure your kids are doing as well as you hope they are. If you discover issues, it also gives you time to parent them before things get too serious. It’s worth taking some extra time and effort.

Raising Agenda Savvy Kids

Paul and the other New Testament writers mention people who are calling themselves Christians, but have agendas that aren’t godly. They also mention at times the various agendas of people who aren’t Christians. In fact, they even admit to having their own agenda – teaching people the Gospel message and helping them get to Heaven.

The writers of the Bible aren’t the only creators of content who have an agenda. In fact every author of an article or book, every screen writer, anyone who creates content has an agenda. Sometimes, the agenda is merely to provide entertainment for others to enjoy. Often, however, those who create content for you and your kids to consume have additional agendas. We don’t always notice them, but they still impact us anyway. Children are especially susceptible to being influenced by these hidden agendas.

Your kids probably understand the Bible and their textbooks are trying to teach them things someone wants them to learn. What they probably don’t realize is that their favorite video game, show, movie or book may also be created by someone who is trying to convince them to believe what the author believes. They also need to understand that whether or not they are aware of these messages, if they hear them often enough, they will start to believe they are true – regardless of whether or not they are. Your kids also need to be aware that often these ideas are not only questionable, but are in direct opposition to what God wants them to believe.

Your kids will need your help recognizing these hidden agendas and messages. They will need to learn how to compare them to the Bible and see if they are ideas they should accept or reject. As your kids consume content, discuss what messages they believe the authors hid in the content. Help them find scriptures that help them know whether they should accept or reject those messages. Teach them how to read between the lines of reviews and summaries to see if they can detect hidden agendas and avoid engaging with content that may increase the likelihood they will become desensitized to sin. Show them sites like pluggedin.com that were created to help Christians understand hidden agendas and messages in creative content so they can make wise decisions about what to consume.

Your kids may need to have several discussions about how false messages can desensitize them to sin and eventually convince them something God has said is sinful is not only okay, but praiseworthy. They will want to engage with the same content their peers are and will need to become strong to make better choices for their faith to stay strong. It won’t be easy, but your kids need you to help them be agenda savvy. It can protect them from having their Christian beliefs constantly undermined by people who have rejected God and His commands.

4 Ways Your Kids’ Activities May Be Undermining Your Parenting

A few decades ago elementary aged children may have been involved in an activity other than church and school maybe one or two afternoons a week. Now, it seems the average child is involved in activities from the time they leave school until bedtime every day and all day Saturday and often Sunday. As young people struggle more and more with various aspects of life – particularly living the Christian life -could it be all of this extra activity is undermining our efforts to parent our children?

The answer is a resounding “Yes”. While there are some benefits to your kids being involved in an activity or two, constant participation in activities can actually hurt them in critical ways.

Here are 4 critical things you and your kids are losing when every free moment they have is spent involved in an organized activity.

  • True emotional closeness. Watching your children participate in something is important to your kids. If that’s all you are doing, however, it can give the illusion of a close emotional relationship when you actually don’t spend enough time engaging with each other in meaningful ways to have much of a relationship at all. It’s deceptive, because it feels like we are spending time with them, our interactions with them are limited to cheering them on which feels positive, but it’s all very shallow in the end. You need true emotional closeness in order to really know your kids’ hearts and how they need molding in God’s image. They need to be emotionally close to you so they will listen to your teaching and correction. That requires a lot of time spent interacting with each other in meaningful ways. That can’t happen if you barely have a few minutes together a day.
  • Accessibility, time and energy to teach your kids about God and what He wants from them and for them. The things God wants your kids to know and live are complex. You can’t teach it to them in a few minutes a day and you definitely can’t mentor, coach and correct them when they aren’t around or neither of you have the energy to deal with it. Extra curricular activities used to be about having fun, but now they are huge revenue generators and are run as if every child will become a professional in their activity of choice. While that may be helping professional sports teams and other fields, it’s robbing your kids of the time they need to spend with you, so they can be learning how God wants them to live their lives.
  • Consistent, godly moral lessons. All activities are run, coached or advised by adults. These adults may be operating from a very different moral perspective than you. In fact, their beliefs may cause them to openly oppose what you want your kids to believe. They may also repeat over and over sayings that they believe help participants, but which may be in direct opposition to what God teaches. This can be true even if the adults in charge call themselves Christians. In addition, many adults running activities pay little attention to the interactions between the kids or teens participating in their activity. If I had a nickel for every child that was introduced to drugs, sexual activity and other ungodly pursuits by fellow participants in an activity, I would be wealthy!
  • Choice of whose lives they will emulate. Participation in an activity at a high level often means those who are successful in that activity are held up as role models for your kids. Often, these people make ungodly choices as money and fame tempt them. It is rare that even Christian activities will consistently hold up Jesus as the model for your kids to follow.

There are other ways your kids’ constant involvement in activities can undermine your efforts to parent them towards God. Saying no to over involvement in activities won’t be easy. Your kids may be upset. Other parents and activity sponsors may try to pressure or even bully you to let your kids remain active. You will have to be strong for your kids to get the parenting they need from you, so they can truly grow up to be who God created them to be. It may seem counterintuitive to limit your child’s activities, but it really is in their best interest.